So it's your first date, now what?

Something Like Life
April 27, 2007



THE first date is all about being looking good and smelling fantastic.

No joke!

A first date is typically a look-see. It’s like going shopping and you’re just checking out the goods in the window. Yes, you are the goods, sister, and Mr. Hottie is the shopper. So you want him to buy you, right?

Men respond to the visually appealing and to things that smell pleasurable. I’m not telling you to wear the plunging neckline to show off the boobies (unless all you want from him is dessert). Be flirty but still maintain some degree of respectability. You know men, they want it both ways—someone who’s nice and sweet but who can be slutty at the same time. (We, on the other hand, just want them to be smart and have a sense of humor.)

So, yes, be a tease just enough to set off his imagination, but at the same time bring him down to earth by still being prim and proper (cross your legs at the ankles, ladies!). And a light fragrance like baby cologne or some citrusy perfume is enough to tickle his nostrils. You don’t want to knock him dead, literally, with those pungent floral perfumes.

And much as I hate to admit it, but wearing killer stilettos really ups the ante in your favor. Men just love them! It makes them think of all the sexy things they can do to you. So suffer a little. Besides, what you want to do is hook him first. After he’s all enamored with you, you may start taking out those oh-so-comfy flip-flops!

Now it’s important that when you go on a first date to not have some Cinderella expectation that Mr. Hottie will be your Prince Charming. It is unfortunate that most women think this way. We can’t help it sometimes. It’s in our DNA. After all, we are the ones mainly responsible for propagating the species, so we’re always on the lookout for the man who will help us do, ehem, God’s work—that is, to go forth and multiply. Just look forward to enjoying a first date, instead of pinning your hopes on finding the perfect sperm donor. That way, if he burps loudly through dinner, you won’t feel so crushed.

Before I go on, I should say that whoever asks a person out, should foot the bill for the date. So if you did the asking, you should do the paying. But—and I underscore that three times—be gracious enough to accept if he insists on paying. It’s a Pinoy macho thing. Be thankful that some men still practice this form of chivalry in this day and age.

Now, the object of the date is to get him more interested in you after he’s appreciated the, uhm, goods. So make him feel comfortable by keeping to light subject matters and sticking to safe topics. Politics and religion are definitely no-no’s on a first date. (I made the mistake once about discussing abortion with a born-again Christian during our first date, so obviously it was also the last. Then again, I really didn’t feel any chemistry happening between us to begin with, so I wasn’t actually sorry to give him my two-cents’ worth.)

Ask about his job. If he likes you, it will give him a chance to impress you as well. A man’s job is like his penis. He feels all puffed up about what he does even if he doesn’t do it well. But he will make you believe that he is the greatest thing that has happened to his company or to his boss. (Never mind if you’re probably making more money that he is. But maybe you shouldn’t tell him that on your first date, hmmm?) Seriously, listen to what he has to say so you can make the appropriate reactions. Try to sound stunned and awed by what he is saying. You got it, baby…fake it.

Like I said, the first date is like a shopping expedition. If Mr. Hottie likes what he sees and smells, he will probably stay for another cup. So please don’t bore him the details of your life, why you hate your mother, or where your boss goes to meet his mistress. This is not the time to spill your guts to a perfect stranger. Go to a therapist if you have issues and emotional hang-ups. Men don’t always like chatty-chatty women. They want women to laugh at their jokes (all in the right places, of course), give them big smiles, and listen…a lot. Of course, if he is the quiet type, then you must fill in the dead air. Don’t be so nosy, like Kris Aquino. Be interested but not overbearing. We are not under the Spanish Inquisition!

But of course, some amount of honesty is involved in this date even if you are kind of ooohing and aaahing about his recent promotion. For example, if he likes basketball, don’t pretend you like it, otherwise you might find yourself at the Araneta Coliseum on your next date, watching the FEU Tamaraws play against the Ateneo Blue Eagles. The first date is about finding things that are common between you and Mr. Hottie, so that you can make a connection. The differences are also there to make it more interesting and spicy for both of you. So don’t lie about loving Indian food, for example, when all it does is make you fart.

You have to be honest to yourself, too. If you’re frigging bored out of your wits with all his yabang, I don’t see any point in staying for the second cup of java. In an hour of just talking with Mr. Hottie, you will know whether you want to rush an order of Tiramisu to share with the refill he’s having, or get in your car and go home.

In an hour or so, you will be able to feel whether there’s some chemistry going between you or not. Chemistry. It’s not overrated as it sounds. You know if you click or not. So don’t prolong the agony and think by giving him one more hour, he will redeem himself somehow after telling you that all gay men should be castrated. Trust your instincts. It’s a gift we women shouldn’t ignore. Listen to that inner voice in your head that’s screaming, “Go home!”

Hopefully, you will enjoy that second cup of coffee with him. Or that dessert. And more dates will follow. If the sparks fly, enjoy the moment. Don’t get ahead of yourself by thinking whether or not you should give him a goodnight kiss, or if you will allow yourself to be kissed or not. These romantic situations will present themselves naturally and you should do what comes naturally as well.

With that, I wish you luck. Have a swell first date, girls!

Wanna share your unforgettable first date story? How about funny or horrific blind date tales? E-mail me at stella-arnaldo@hotmail.com All names will be kept confidential.

(My column, Something Like Life, is published every Friday in the BusinessMirror. Photo courtesy BusinessMirror.)