Men you should avoid

Something Like Life
May 4, 2007

ONCE in a while, in our endless quest for true love, we women come across chumps who, for some strange reason, perhaps by fate or due to our temporary insanity, we seem to have fallen in love with.

In our heads, we all know that he is wrong for us—maybe he talks too loud on his cell phone in public, he’s an arrogant SOB who feels he is God’s gift to humanity, can’t spell properly, or just has bad breath – and yet we still stick by him, defending him even to our friends and family, because we love him. (Or do we?)

I can’t stress this enough. We women are gifted with a rare ability to sense the unseen, what lies beneath the surface of people and events, and we should do well to trust our instincts. It’ll save us a lot of heartaches in the end.

From the many experiences of my girlfriends and gayfriends, here are some of the examples of men we women should steer clear of:

The overly jealous/paranoid guy

IT’S nice to see a boyfriend sometimes get all pinched and bothered when he sees you talking to other men or just laughing with them. Or perhaps he plays hurt after you have just gushed over a half-naked George Clooney in Vanity Fair. This is all cute and makes you want to kiss your boyfriend some more.

When he starts getting gruff, crazy mad (c’mon girls, you know the difference between a man whose ego has just been a bit slighted from someone about to run amuck), starts shouting and threatens you bodily harm, then this isn’t just a simple case of jealousy.

A girl I knew once had a boyfriend who would tail her wherever she would go, even if she was just having coffee with us, to make sure she wasn’t seeing any other man. This, my dear girls, is classic cuckoo behavior. Your boyfriend belongs in a loony bin!

Mama’s boy

DOES your boyfriend still live with his mother? It’s fine when both of you are still 16, or even 25. But if he’s reached 30 and he’s still tied to his mom’s apron strings, beware! He will likely want you, his girlfriend, to treat him the same way his mama does.

The Mama’s Boy is a man who can’t say a single sentence without mentioning his dear mom, cannot refer to any important or exciting experience unless it involves her, and will probably compare everything you make in the kitchen to his mother’s cooking! Ouch!

In a woman, the Mama’s Boy is only after one thing, the same creature comforts provided by his dear mother…so expect to take care of your boyfriend’s every need, just as his mother does. Honey, if you’re not ready to take care of a child, stay away from men like this. Besides, you will never ever be more than his mother could ever be to him.

The metrosexual (kuno)

I DON’T care what all the magazine articles say, metrosexuals are not! real men. I think “metrosexual” is just another brand thought up by marketing geniuses who need to move more men’s clothes, vanity products and accessories.

Metrosexuals are just homosexuals who haven’t come out of the closet yet and who need an excuse not to be branded as gay, even as they indulge in their favorite flowers, monthly spa treatments, cry at romantic movies, etc. Men are either gay or straight. There is no in between. (Yes, even if your best gayfriend insists that the guy he is seeing is straight. Sweetie, if a man is screwing around with a homosexual, he ain’t straight, he’s gay! Hello!)

Sure, we want a man who takes care of himself, is well-groomed, smells good, is sensitive to your needs, and is always presentable to your family and friends. But, c’mon, if he goes to the salon more often than you to get his roots treated or get a facial, there is obviously something amiss. Girl s’ya, anoh?!

The serial philanderer

IF he’s cheating on you while you’re still dating, it is more likely than not that he will still be the same when you’re married to each other.

Men don’t change. Not overnight, not for any woman. (Good luck, Pia Guanio!) I would want to give you a deep psychological evaluation on why men cheat on their girlfriends or wives. I’d even like to say that your man won’t cheat if he loves you very much. But you know that things aren’t as simple as that. They will cheat, if given the opportunity, and they know they can get away with it. (I’m not being unfair to men...yes, I must acknowledge that women do cheat as well.)

But if you’ve caught him with other women, not just once or twice, but three times and more, then perhaps it’s time for you to stop making excuses for him. It’s not true that it’s the woman who is the last to know. The signs are there. Sometimes we just refuse to acknowledge them. If he doesn’t have room in his life for just you, then sweep him out of yours.

A man and his ex-

A MAN who can’t stop talking about his ex- is obviously still hung up about her. Sometimes it will happen during the most innocent of conversations, or situations. The topic about his ex-girlfriend will suddenly crop up. You want to be polite and be a good listener, but be true to yourself. It’s annoying!

Maybe he doesn’t talk about her. But he still has her stuff all over his place. Or in my case, he gave me a bracelet his ex-girlfriend made—as a Christmas gift. (Aside from her regular job, she makes fashion accessories on the side.) She and “my guy” were together for the longest time, but after she called it quits, did he still have to support her business? Well, I wasn’t about to be the girlfriend for the man on the rebound, so I was out of the scene as fast as my red high heels could take me.

The man who is still wrapped up in memories of his ex needs some time alone. He has to have time to digest his feelings, mourn, get mad, accept the situation, before he can truly say he’s over her. If he’s still in any of those stages before the actual recovery, you’re just setting yourself up for a really painful ending.

Sure, there may be exceptions to the rule. Like if the mom of your mama’s boy thinks the world of you. Or if the overly jealous guy does actually have a good reason to be so, you flirt. (Then it’s you who has to change, not him.) But other than those exceptions, there is every reason in the world for you to stay away from the aforementioned types of men. It will save you a lot of heartaches and perhaps your sanity.

Let’s just be friends na lang, okay?

(My column, Something Like Life, is published every Friday in the Life section of the BusinessMirror. Photo from BusinessMirror)