Courage

I WAS on my way to the sports clinic at the Ateneo de Manila University for my regular physical therapy on my pinched shoulder (rotator cuff issue—yes, I know, it’s taking an extraordinarily long time to heal) and told the cab driver where to go and the route to take. 

He said, “Ah, Ateneo...eskwelang pang-mayaman ’yan ano ho?” I answered, “Opo, manong.” Then he went, “Ang panganay ko sa UP [University of the Philippines]. Kaso tumaas na ang tuition. P1,000 per unit na.” 

(I always find chatting with cabbies an enervating learning experience. They are an indicator of the pulse of the masses, and makes more privileged people like myself aware of the conditions and times the rest of population live in.) 

I asked him if his child was still studying in UP, and he said no. Manong said his son got “kicked out” after failing a few classes. “Kasi tight-guarding ang girlfriend. Lagi na lang nasa bahay namin, kwentuhan lang sila ng kwentuhan, imbes na mag-aral.” I was amused. Manong certainly wasn’t shy about his feelings about his son’s relationship. 

Manong said he agreed to fund his son’s college tuition again on condition that the latter wouldn’t goof off anymore. “Sabi ko sa kanya, last chance na ’to. ’Di lang naman s’ya ang dapat makatapos...paano pa ’yung iba niyang kapatid,” the cabbie stressed, adding that he has five other kids. 

The son agreed to his father’s condition, and after looking for other universities he could enroll in, he finally settled on Polytechnic University of the Philippines. Manong was pleased that his son and his girlfriend had separated. His son actually finished his degree, this time in computer programming. Aside from his present job in a computer firm, Manong’s son teaches computer programming to college kids. 

Other than his eldest, two other children of Manong’s were able to finish college, largely through the income he makes from driving his cab. One child is now an electrical engineer, and Manong’s eldest daughter works in a call center. (The older kids now help out their father in paying for bills and other expenses with their monthly family contributions.) 

What Manong has accomplished is no mean feat. It takes a lot of courage for people like him to just continue working diligently, and keep pushing his kids to succeed—be it at their studies or in their respective careers. (His wife, Manong said, doesn’t work outside the home. When I pressed him on this, he insisted, “Aba, marami pong gawain sa bahay!”) 

I was to find out later that his wife also keeps a tight watch on the younger children, and Manong again proudly told me his son in Grade 6 has just taken the exam for Philippine Science High School—often referred to as “Pisay”) and Quezon City Science High School. “Sinugal ko na po at nagbayad ng P5,000 para sa review classes n’ya. Nung tinanong ko naman at kinumusta ang exam n’ya, sabi ng anak ko nadalian naman siya.”  

I told Manong that Pisay is an excellent school—I have quite a few friends who graduated from there, and most of them are successful in their career. I told Manong if his son passes the Pisay exam, he should allow his son to go there. “Ay oo, ma’am,” he was quick to interject, “libre po lahat doon. At saka may stipend pa binibigay sa mga bata daw.” 

Manong was especially proud of his youngest, now in Grade 4, who he says is the perennial candidate representing Quezon City to Science Quiz Bee contests. “Ang tatalino ng mga anak ko...lalo na ’yung bunso,” Manong said, the pride in his voice, evident. 

As we had already arrived at my destination, I was no longer able to ask Manong about his other child. But it was quite evident that he put a lot of priority on his kids’ education. He wanted nothing more than for his children to go to college and graduate with a degree. 

It was an extremely exceptional cab ride that day. On most days, my cab rides are insufferable as my ears are tortured by loud uncouth radio commentators the cabbies listen to, or schwang-schwang Inglisera radio jocks who ask the most inane questions of their guests. For a change, I had a real conversation with an amazing courageous man. 

Manong Driver didn’t complain about the cards that life had dealt him. He just played them. No government dole-outs for him...he just drives his cab, brings his passengers to their destination and deals with them honestly. Most of all, his entire existence is driven by the desire to give a better life for his kids. He was inspiring. 

*** 

Most people think that courage is best exemplified by a soldier going off to war to fight the enemy. 

But really, it takes on so many forms and manifests itself in many areas of our lives. 

The wife finally walks away from her 20-year marriage to an abusive husband. 

An employee leaves his comfortable cushy job, to set up his own business. 

A woman asks a man 20 years younger than her out on a date. 

A devoted daughter leaves the family home to stake her independence.

Despite his cramping calf, a basketball player joins his team to defeat their opponent. 

The courage to say, “I love you,” or “I’ve had enough of the insults from this boss,” or “I’m giving up sweets forever because of my diabetes”—these may be tiny examples but they are courageous acts nonetheless.

With courage, anything is possible.

(My column, Something like Life, is published every Friday in the Life section of the BusinessMirror. This piece on 'Courage' was published on Nov. 2, 2012.)

On living well

Something Like Life
Aug. 1, 2008

PEOPLE who knew of Randy Pausch, the Carnegie Mellon professor who recently died at the age of 47 after a bout with pancreatic cancer, are once more discussing his celebrated “Last Lecture,” which has been posted on YouTube since last October. v Since he passed just last week, the hits have even increased as people continue to sing paeans to his words of wisdom, coming from a man who had a debilitating disease and yet did not act like it. In one instance, he even showed how “well” he was by doing push-ups.

Death has been much around me since I was a toddler, but even more so now that I’m an adult. Older relatives, friends and famous people, those whom I looked up to as a young child, are one by one leaving me. People my age are telling me the same thing.

Their time may be up. But they leave us is in the hope that by their own examples, in the way they have lived with their own lives, we have learned something valuable enough to apply to our existence. And perhaps we, too, would be able to impart whatever knowledge or values we have learned or gained through our own personal experiences to the next generation.

Though I still sometimes refuse to recognize it, I am old. And so are my peers and the friends I usually hang around with. While 40 may still be considered the new 20 or 30, chronologically, we are aged. At this stage, we are supposed to have already accomplished much, and that what we have already led “meaningful” lives. We already matter, in the sense that we have experienced so much in these 40 years, that even if we keel over tomorrow, people can say that we have led full lives. Hopefully, our children can look up and say that we have meant a lot to them, and have learned a lot from us, as well.

But how does one do it? How do we, like Randy Pausch, make the most out of our lives, whether or not we are going to be on this good earth for a much longer time than him? (I sometimes wonder, though: Were the same words to come out of someone else’s mouth, someone who isn’t dying, would they have as much impact?)

In trying to live well, the first thing you should ask yourself is: “Am I happy?” You can’t answer that the way some people are wont to respond these days: “Yes, I am, but I could be happier.” It has to be an absolute yes-or-no answer. No ifs, no buts.

If your answer is no, then you have to get down to the bottom why that so. You don’t have enough money, you’re taking care of a sick person in the family, you don’t have a rich husband to cater to your every whim, your boss is an ass, etc. List it down.

Sometimes some of these reasons for your unhappiness are superficial, such as your boss is short of a Mussolini. Why is that? Is it because some of your colleagues have to be prodded time and again to hand in the full details of their projects? Or he treats you that way because you give some flimsy excuse for being absent from work? If you believe the problem is really just him, then move to another job. It’s as simple as that.

You don’t have enough money? What do you want to buy? A new 42-inch LCD TV? Or go abroad to do some shopping? The only one who can say with certainty that they don’t have enough money are the poor who have to hock everything to put food on their table—that is, if they have anything material and with value to pawn off.

Sure, you can blame other people for your misery, but in the end, you are the one responsible for your own happiness.

Like I had an older brother, Mon, who had long passed. When we were younger, he was really the typical problem child. He fell off the swing and broke his arm, he was always with his barkada, then he got into drugs, didn’t finish college, didn’t stay long at any job, etc. In one of the arguments he had with my parents, I remember him blaming them for not taking him camping! Even at a young age, I was stunned at the ridiculousness of that claim because, really, who takes their kids camping in the Philippines? I mean, obviously, there was some underlying reason he was behaving the way he did, but out of spite, he simply blamed our parents. He didn’t want to face his own inner demons, and so lashed out at everyone else. It was only much later in life, a couple of years before he passed away, that he changed his ways and became a productive member of society. But sayang, the amount of time and years he wasted blaming everyone for his situation in life.

Part of living well is taking the cards that are dealt you and making the most out of your hand. When I’m riding a cab, I usually chat with the drivers and ask them about their lives, and see how they are coping with the tough economic times. While it is easy for them to blame the government, and many of them do, they know how to deal with the problems that fall on them, like higher fuel prices, or higher food prices, etc. They reorient their priorities, like buying food before cell-phone load, lining up their cars in a mall for passengers instead of aimlessly driving around, etc., and still try to get home to their families to eat together. They know complaining won’t get them anywhere; they just have to make things work. To most of them, as long as they can earn an honest day’s wage, feed their family and sleep at night, they are basically happy. (Of course, our government can improve everyone’s situation by reducing corruption, so it can do away with the E-VAT. Ahem. Sorry, that Sona just really killed.)

At times, the solution to our unhappiness is just a matter of reworking our position and learning to deal with the choices that are offered to us.

Some people, for example, complain about how their jobs are killing them, and yet there are many more Filipinos who have had to go into debt and leave their families behind just so they can go abroad and earn a decent wage. So please, don’t talk to me about how unhappy you are at work.

Perhaps, in my case, it is much easier to “live well.” I don’t have children to nurture and work my ass off for so I can enroll them in the best schools. I don’t need to buy the next new Prada bag in the market, ahem. My needs are much simpler. I only need to eat three meals a day, have a steady roof over my head and get enough exercise to keep my blood pressure and blood sugar down. So I’m not killing myself at work like I used to, and I am perhaps now saner than my other editor friends.

At work, I am basically my own boss. I work when I want to, and stop when I need to. As long as I get paid adequately for the work I do and see my name in print, I am happy. Everything else that comes my way is pretty much a bonus.

For some other people, their needs are greater and they will have to deal with so many more extenuating circumstances or people before they are able to pursue what they want in life. But I remember this quote from a book I read a long time ago (I forgot the title): “Argue for your limitations and, sure enough, they are yours.”

That pretty much sums up what I’ve been trying to say. Do what you must to make yourself happy. Go for that dream you’ve been wanting to pursue. Life is too short to blame others for the situation you are in. There is no one responsible for yourself but you.

(My column, Something Like Life, is published every Friday in the Life section of the BusinessMirror.)

Of course you know GMA!

PICKED up this bit of news from Jessica's blog, about a Microsoft global study that proves that the Theory of Six Degrees of Separation is actually truer than we think. (Read it here.)

Using its MSN Messenger, Microsoft researchers considered two people "acquaintances" even if they sent just one message to another person. From that, a chain of acquaintances was studied and the researchers found that indeed the average chain length between one person to another was exactly 6.6.

Well, I've met and had dinner with the Presidentita in Malacañang once (she even gave me a goodbye peck on the cheek...which seriously, made my skin crawl). Since all of you readers I consider as acquaintances, by that, you are separated from our beloved chief of the land via just one hop. Scary, innit?

* * * *
Isa pang pang-gising: Sorry it took so long, but I'm finally posting a photo of one of the bags that a VIP government official bought in her recent shopping trip to Neiman Marcus Stanford.

(The Chanel ice cube 2.55 bag...sa true lang, it really is delish. Last year's rage. Me taste ang personal shopper ng lolah nyo. Photo from The Bag Snob)

Since that posting, I've received comments ranging from, of course, that "VIP's personal shopper has taste, 'cos she's an Ilongga", to "how depressing naman!", and a tip on how much her hubby blew in Vegas while she was out shopping.

Then there are those who said, this VIP shoppingera really ought to look good because after all, she is representing the Philippines in many international forums. Inaway tuloy ni Pangs sa inis nya! Haha! But I say, so much for "pagtitiis" that she appeals that her constituents must make.

Then again, with all the public policy faux pas she's been committing since she became a government official, and the ensuing nasty public opinion she's been receiving, she would need some retail therapy. Naawa ba kayo?

Good morning sa lahat ng mga cab drivers all over da Pilipins! Andito pa din tayong lahat, sabay-sabay na nagtitiis!

SONA mukha mo!

I don't have a computer right now as i'm in the process of upgrading. But I just had to blog my thoughts about today's State of the Nation (SONA) by our beloved presidentita.

The presidentita has the best fiction writers around. Only they could come up with crap like that and weave it into a literary masterpiece. If her SONA speech were a novel, it would top the New York Times Bestseller List...for FICTION!

I rode a cab today coming from an interview and the driver said with gas prices so high (premium is over P60/liter), he has very little saved up from his daily earnings minus the boundary.

"Sabi ni Gloria, konting tiis pa daw. Lahat kaming mahihirap nag-tiis...di na kami makakain. Mahal ang sardinas, P13 sa tindahan, bigas, instant mami...baka sunod nyan, parang hayop na kami dahil damo nalang kakainin namin. Kokonti nalang nagtitiis ngayon kasi lahat namatay na."

And that, people, is the real state of this nation.

(P.S. Red is really the presidentita's color. But I dunno why she wore a Ma. Clara outfit today w/c again, infantilized her...tyanak nga e sabi ni pangs...A terno would have been more becoming. Ayan, sablay na ang economic policies, but wardrobe sablay din. The only thing that works is her botoxed forehead!)