Raising happy, healthy, well-balanced kids

(Conclusion of my two-part series on 'When parents are away')

(Rowie Mattie, Fides Reyes and Maribel Dionisio at the recent book launch of Maribel’s Teen Crush. Photo courtesy Family Congress)

THE family is the most basic social unit in any society. Having a healthy, happy family should therefore be the goal of every human being. To build strong ties within your family, you need to spend quality time with each other, and really listen to what your partner or your kids are saying.

Continuing from last week, I asked Maribel Dionisio, founder of the Love Institute, and Rowie Matti, CEO of the Galileo Enrichment Learning Program Inc., how it was possible to raise happy, healthy and well-balanced kids, especially since often both parents these days are working and the kids are left in the care of nannies or, worse, alone at home to fend for themselves.

Aside from going out on “dates” with their kids, or having weekly chats at home, parents should build their child’s self-worth by being their “cheerleader,” says Maribel. Parents should acknowledge their child’s positive action “no matter how small the contribution,” and laud their efforts as much as the results.

She adds that listening to the child without judgment is very important. “No blaming, shouting, put-downs and criticisms—these will just cut communication lines.”

She underscores the necessity of “disciplining with love,” having age-appropriate house rules which should be “implement[ed] with kindness and firmness. If rules are not followed, then let them experience the consequence of their actions. No spanking or no punishments; just use natural and logical consequences. For example, if the child messes up his toys and does not put them away, then the parent must explain the consequence—his toys can get lost or can get broken, and the parent will not buy new ones.”

Maribel stresses that the key to having happy children is happy parents. Couples need to enhance their relationship by going on a date once a week. For single parents, they can go out with their friends.

In the wake of the rising number of teen mothers, as reported by the National Statistics Office (one in 10 mothers were teens as of 2009), I also brought up the subject of premarital sex and how parents should handle this subject. Should parents talk to their children about reproductive health and how to protect themselves against sexually transmitted diseases or pregnancy?

Rowie says parents need to be ready to answer their children’s questions about sex. “When they are younger, parents can give them technical answers. But as they get older, the answers of parents should be smarter.” She adds, if the kid doesn’t ask parents about sex, the latter should be ready to talk to their kids about the reproductive system (menstruation, circumcision, masturbation, sexual intercourse) when the kids are in Grade 4 (about 10-11 years old). This is the grade when local schools start tackling the subject.

“It is also important to talk to them about values at this time. Parents should tell their kids that there should be no sex before marriage and the reason why they should wait until after marriage,” she points out.

Maribel is also adamantly against premarital sex “since it can make you believe that your partner is a beautiful person, when in fact it is sex that is a beautiful experience. Besides we do not marry for sex but for companionship and love. Great sex before marriage does not guarantee a great friendship. But a great friendship developed before marriage without premarital sex significantly increases the chances of marital happiness.”

Parents must explain to their kids the value of postponing sex until marriage, so “automatically no sex before marriage prevents pregnancy and STD.”

This and other parenting topics will be tackled in the forthcoming Family Congress to be held on August 25, at the Valle Verde Country Club, organized by Maribel, Rowie and their friend Fides Reyes, an events planner for families. The three got together early last year because of an advocacy—they all believed in the importance of the family. To have a happy family, parents and their kids should constantly work at their relationships with each other.

The Family Congress aims to help, support and teach parents, singles and every member of the family on how to communicate, interact and understand one another. It aims to reaffirm the value and relevance of the Filipino family in the face of changing times. For inquiries about the Family Congress, e-mail familycongress@gmail.com. You may also call the Love Institute at 436-4143 or 0922-8944143, or Galileo Enrichment Center at 810-8506.

Through this event, Maribel, Rowie, and Fides hope to increase the awareness of families about the various skills they need to learn to have an awesome family life. They plan to bring this Family Congress to different parts of the country and reach 1,000 parents at a time.
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MY deepest condolences to the Quizon family on the passing of their patriarch, Rodolfo V. Quizon. Thank you Mang Dolphy for giving the best years of your life to us, your fans. We will forever be grateful.

(My column, Something Like Life, is published every Friday, in the Life section of the BusinessMirror. This piece was originally published on July 13, 2012.)

Her own moves

ON February 14, Valentine’s Day, the happiest girl in town was probably Cecile Ang, not because she had a special someone, but as owner of the Royce’ Chocolates brand locally, almost all the chillers in all of her stores were empty before that day was over. It just shows that Filipinos are die-hard romantics, and Royce’ is really one helluva popular chocolate brand over here.

Well, I must confess it is one of my favorite chocolate brands, as well. (The other one being Godiva’s dark chocolates. Mmmm.) I have probably gone through several boxes of Royce’ Nama Champagne, its bitter dark chocolates and the orange truffles. I even “steal” a couple of squares from my friend Ms. RP’s fridge whenever I pop over for a visit.

The first time I “met” Cecile was through a phone call years ago. She politely texted asking if I was free to take her call, and after I did tell her she could, she called me to ask my help in editing a lifestyle magazine/newsletter she wanted to put out for free.

I really didn't know who she was, but as I grilled her on the publication and why she wanted to put it out, and if she had enough funds to keep it afloat, it was only then that it dawned on me, as she humbly answered my barrage of questions, that she was the daughter of business tycoon Ramon Ang.

While I did turn down her offer to edit the magazine, I could tell she was a dreamer and had a lot of guts. I mean, who in her right mind would put out a free publication just because she wanted to write about food and lifestyle? But she sounded so positive about the whole idea, I wished her well. Gads, I wish I could be as positive as she was about the publishing industry.

When I finally met her in the flesh recently, she had already been running Diamond Hotel, a property her father acquired in 2005, just as Cecile had graduated from the Ateneo de Manila University with a degree in European Studies. I was so surprised how young she looked! The Filipino expression “pinabili lang ng suka” came to mind. With her hair tied in a neat ponytail, her slight frame and her face sans makeup, she could certainly pass for a teenager. But there she was, at the helm of a five-star hotel.

“I think it is definitely an incredible advantage [to have my father who he is]. Of course not everyone took me seriously, especially when I was new and looked like a high-school student. You’d hear comments like COO [‘child of owner’] from random strangers, but I don’t mind, because I really wouldn’t be where I am now if I weren’t that. I just have to work extra hard to make sure I don’t disappoint.”

Cecile says her father thought that the hotel would be “good training ground” as it would enable her to meet all sorts of people from all walks of life. “Plus at one point I was very much a foodie, so the hotel seemed like a good fit.”

She describes her first year in the hotel as “very colorful.” As it was her first job straight out of college, of course her father took care to make sure she was well prepared to take on the duties as a hotelier. Cecile spent a year training by going around the different departments and learning about the functions of each hotel employee, from the concierge to the food servers, from the chefs and their cook helpers to the general manager’s secretary. Now president of Diamond Hotel, she is in charge of setting the direction for hotel policy, and overseeing the renovations and expansions of the establishment.

“In a hotel you encounter all sorts of guests and colleagues that there was never a dull moment. Every day was a fun learning experience,” she says about her first year.

Cecile says her father, whose sheer business acumen has made it possible for San Miguel Corp. to expand beyond the food-and-beverage business, has never given her nor her siblings “formal pointers” on how to manage a business enterprise. “But I think he leads us by example. My dad works 24/7 and is incredibly generous and friendly to everyone. I see how much he values everyone around him and it has taught us, his kids, to try and give back as much as we can to everyone around us as well. And, of course, slacking off is not an option.” Typically Chinese, each one of her seven siblings, down to the youngest at eight years old, have had to work during their summer vacations.

Cecile says her favorite childhood memory was going to the “slalom car races every Sunday as my father was also a champion racecar driver. I loved being allowed to ride shotgun during races!”

To relax, she travels when she can, “I like getting lost in a city and following random strangers around. It helps me gain a new perspective on things. On a normal weekend, since I have a lot of young siblings, every Sunday is a movie+California Pizza Kitchen day.”

Like many incredibly busy career people, Cecile has shucked novels for magazines—“I think my attention span has gotten worse over the years...but I’m a big magazine subscriber: Time, Newsweek, Business Week, Economist, Fortune, Forbes, Elle Decor, Architectural Digest, Monocle, Mental Floss and Gourmet. And I try to read a short story from McSweeneys, Alfred Hitchcock or David Sedaris every night before I go to sleep.”

Asked if she still has plans beyond managing the hotel, Cecile says she still “[likes] the business.” But most definitely she has started to stretch her own wings by going into other industries. She started on this path in 2009 when she successfully bagged the right to bring in Royce’ to Manila.

I ask her if ever we would get to taste the incredibly delicious ice creams of Royce’, and she says: “We are planning to open a bigger shop that will have Royce’ ice cream and chocolate drinks and baked goods. We are just looking for an available space.” Whooopee!

She says she has other business prospects up her sleeve but declines to reveal what these are pending the conclusion of negotiations with partners. “I am also looking for new challenges and hopefully I can do that this year....I am planning to get into another business but I can’t disclose it as of the moment.”

A chip off the old block maybe, but Cecile’s moves are definitely all her own.

(My column, Something Like Life, is published every Friday in the Life section of the BusinessMirror. This piece was published on May 6, 2011. Photo courtesy Asian Dragon)

Making the case for a tech detox

ONE of the most interesting stories I’ve read in the past week was about a family that tried to reconnect with each other by minimizing their use of technology.

In the piece, “Your BlackBerry or Your Wife” in the Wall Street Journal, Elizabeth Bernstein writes about the Broadnax family and their struggle with renewing their familial interactions after the mother, Diane Broadnax, a 50-year-old clinical trial researcher from Mount Airy, Maryland, banned computerized forms of entertainment in their household for a week.

“According to Bernstein, Ms. Broadnax had become “fed up with the way her family dispersed to separate computers each evening. Anika, 4, would watch Dora the Explorer on a laptop in the kitchen, while Jasmine, 12, would play with her virtual pets online. Ms. Broadnax’s husband, Lonnie Broadnax, 50, went to his home office to watch a sci-fi DVD, and she would make dinner—while checking her e-mail. Many nights, each person would eat in front of his or her respective screen. ‘Days were going by and we weren’t talking,’ Ms. Broadnax says.”

I can imagine how difficult it must have been for this family to fill in the empty silences once forced to just sit at the dinner table, and communicate with each other directly.

But this phenomenon of “disconnect” has become more prevalent than you know it. Once, when I was logged on Facebook, I found it amusing that some of my friends—a husband and wife—communicated through the social-networking site.

The situation was just begging to be poked at, and I did jokingly ask the couple one time, on Facebook as well, if they no longer lived in the same house. Both of them answered that they were in different parts of the house, which made me think that their home must be so huge, it was difficult for each of them to make that “long” trek to talk directly to where the other person was located. Hahaha.

But no matter how “enriching” the experience of being on social-networking sites may be, or how various electronic devices and cell-phone/computer applications enable us to keep in touch with our loved ones even if they’re thousands of miles away, there’s still nothing like face-to-face interactions to strengthen our affections for them.

For instance, it’s still much more entertaining to personally see and hear my young friend Kurdapya make her amusing commentaries about government officials and general issues of the day. Her eyes roll up, her mouth turns up in a knowing smirk, and her arms are all over the place. The same joke tweeted, for instance, does not make the same smashing impact as when you see her say it up close. To paraphrase a film title, something is lost in transmission when blurted via a computer or through SMS.

Seriously, if like Ms. Broadnax you already feel alienated from your own family because everyone is tethered to his/her cell phone, computer or TV, then maybe it’s time to take control of your family’s tech life.

Here are few suggestions to bring everyone back from the virtual world to the present:

For one, ban all cell phones from the dining table. Everyone who has eaten at my home know how I don’t like cell phones around when everyone’s eating. Even my nieces and nephew are not spared from this. They automatically check their messages before sitting with my Mama and I at the dining table, and then ditch their cell phones in their bags or on some nearby shelf.

Take away the TV sets from everyone’s bedrooms and just assign a family room where the TV should be. My sister has successfully done this, which is why there were no distractions for her kids when they were still studying. And even when everyone is glued to the TV in the family room, there is still a whole lot of interaction between her and her kids or her husband—comments about whatever show is on, catching up on whatever happened to each of them during the day, etc. Even when it’s all just silliness, the important thing is, there is conversation going around.

If you can take away the TVs, maybe you can take away the personal computers as well and put them in the family room or a home-office space. This way, there will be some amount of communication among family members even if everyone is doing their thing at their workstations. Such a setup also opens opportunities for parents to help children in their homework.

Related to this, manage your kids and your own computer/TV use. Allot a time period for kids to use the computer and do their assignments. Kids are supposed to play out in the yard with the pets, with you and your spouse, or the neighbors’ kids. They shouldn’t be stuck at home playing Wii or Ragnarok, or some computer game where the other player is a million miles away. Similarly, you shouldn’t be spending your free time watering your Farmville plants, or building imaginary restaurants. Try to do something as a family and away from the computer or TV.

Postpone giving cell phones to your children as long as you can. While it’s true these devices help you monitor your kids’ activities, and you can easily trace their whereabouts, the truth is, your kids can always lie about where they are (unless you’ve been tracking them via GPS, that is). Besides, I usually see kids use their cell phones just to call their driver to pick them up “now na!” (whatever happened to setting an appointed pickup time and good old-fashioned waiting?), or text frenziedly their friends (even during Mass!). Lucky for you parents if they actually call you to tell you how their school day went.

So maybe, you can loan your child a cell phone while he is out of the house, but when he is at home, confiscate the gadget so he can focus on studies instead. If your kids need to talk with their friends or classmates about homework (a likely excuse), they can always use the landline—remember that old-fashioned phone?

Related to managing computer/TV usage, set up an “unplug” day. Those who’ve been following this column know that I started doing this two years ago. I switch off all cell phones and my computer—so no SMS, Facebook, Twitter and other mindless surfing. This is the only day I usually pick up a hard-copy newspaper, when normally I go through online news web sites during weekdays.

Believe me, it’s given me more peace of mind and enabled me to finish up chores that had long been unattended. I’ve even managed to catch up on my book-reading backlog. I usually do this every Sunday, and most of my friends know that the only way they can get in touch with me is to call me on my landline if it’s really important.

You can do this as well. Unplug on Sundays, stay at home and play games, which will help sharpen your kids’ socializing skills and prepare them for future “competitions”. I remember when my entire family, including my Pop, would play all sorts of board games as we were growing up—Snakes & Ladders, Old Maid, Lucky 8, eventually graduating to Scrabble, Games of the Generals, MasterMind, etc. It was fun and even if my parents were not affluent, we kids were kept entertained.

Technology can help us accomplish much at work, and keep us in touch with our loved ones. But sometimes it can also ruin our relationships. Know when to stop the tech craziness and bring everyone back to the basics.

(My column, Something Like Life, is published every Friday in the Life section of the BusinessMirror.)

Little people

KIKAY, my eight-year-old grandniece-slash-goddaughter, is visiting over the weekend. Most of the kids in the neighborhood annoy me, especially the screamer behind my home—the bratty monster—but Kikay is a delight, and I’m not just being subjective here because we’re related.

Like when I went down this morning, I found her “reading” the front page of the newspaper. (Yes, we are one of the very few families that still subscribe to a hard copy, since my Mama doesn’t care to go online to read the paper the way I do.)

So I sat down beside Kikay on the red sofa and asked her to read the headlines aloud (never mind that they were scary...“N. Korea readies missiles,” etc.), as well as some paragraphs in the stories. I just wanted to make sure she was at the appropriate reading level, and correct her pronunciation of some words if need be. Except for the confusion over “readies” which she pronounced like the “e” in “read,” everything checked out...yes, we have a bright one here! Woot-woot!

But our girls really have been fast learners in reading and are astute. It reminded me of a niece, Boo-Boo—now all grown up and in her 20s—doing the very same thing every morning. She, beside my Pop, who had started all of us on the newspaper-reading habit, would open to the business news and look for the peso-dollar exchange rate, while the grandfather was perusing the front page.

Boo-Boo was only about six years old then and still living with us. Maybe she heard us talking often about the foreign-exchange rate, or exclaim how the peso went up or down while we watched the news on TV. As fate would have it, for a time she did work as a forex trader, and is the math genius in the family.

Her older sister was the talker when she was a toddler. If she wasn’t telling stories about what she had read in a book, or what activity she recently did with her parents, she was always asking questions about every little thing that fascinated her. I remember that even our driver then, who would try taking over answering questions she had thrown at my Mama and me, would also give up, exasperated at her stream-of-consciousness questions. Not surprisingly, now pushing 30, she is also a writer and sells bank products.

Kikay isn’t as sophisticated as her titas yet, but with a little more training and more weekends spent with me, hah! I’m sure she’ll turn out just as clever. (Or be a freak and scare the living delights out of her classmates just with a killer look! Mwahaha! Cue in evil witch laughter here.)

But it’s interesting how these little people have personalities all their own already. One would think that at such young ages, they still have no minds of their own, and are just blank slates absorbing all what’s being said to them, or the other things happening around them. However, it’s their reaction to the outside stimuli that indicates what kind of personality they have and how they may eventually turn out. Portent of things to come, I always say.

My friend Cassie’s precocious daughter Koolits, for instance, has always been such a drama queen even before she went to pre-school. She dishes out lines like she was a 25 year old and is seemingly impatient with her mom when the latter doesn’t get her. I can’t help but laugh out loud when Cassie posts Koolits’ latest spiel on Facebook.

Here’s a typical conversation:

Cassie (on the phone): Hi, Koolits!

Koolits: Hi, Mom.

Cassie: Whatcha doin’? Have you eaten merienda already?

Koolits: Yes, I already ate. Uh, Mom, I HATE TO SAY THIS, but I’m having pancit canton again.

Five years old going on 25? You bet! Hahaha!

With Kikay, except for the occasionally difficult feeding time—she can be a picky eater—she has always been a joy to bring anywhere. She hardly raises a fuss and is well-behaved even at Church, for instance. She certainly is not one of those who will chase other kids down the church aisles, and be a constant embarrassment to her parents trying to listen to the priest’s sermon.

I remember the time we had to hurriedly go home to our province because my brother, her Lolo Daddy, had passed away. It was the first time for her to ride a plane and she was only five years old. She quietly just observed what was going on as all the other passengers filed into the plane.

As the plane started taking off, I just told her it was like riding a car as well, but faster because it would bring us to a far away place, across big bodies of water and cities, and not just to SM or The Podium, which were very near to our home. Adults have to explain these things sometimes just to try to allay whatever fears the child may have. But I don’t think I actually needed to explain it to Kikay. She was fearless.

But I knew she would be bored soon enough, as kids most often are these days. In our haste to get to the airport, she wasn’t able to bring her favorite toy, which probably would not have fit in her small backpack anyway. So I espied a magazine in the seat pocket in front of her and took it out for her to read. Turned out to be Forbes magazine.

I thought she would lose interest in it soon enough—I had no glossy magazines with me, and was just reading a newspaper—but Kikay kept on turning the pages, then stopped at some pages, seemingly reading them. I wondered what she was thinking about when her eyes fell on words like gross domestic product, junk bonds, or a stock’s P/E ratio. (Well, we got to start them early, why not?!)

But typically, her eyes would linger the longest at the slick gorgeous ads of high-end clothing and shoe brands. And I thought, “Dear God, not another kikay in the family!”

Kikay has always been the quiet type, I suppose she gets it from her dad, as her mom has an attitude that can’t be mistaken as anything but coming from our side of the family. When Kikay’s visiting, and everyone else is out or I’m busy writing, she plays by herself with her own toys, as she waits for her playmates at the park to come out. She knows how to amuse herself with her coloring books, story books, and, when the TV is switched on, the cartoons.

In other words, unlike other children these days who can be such a pain to hang around with, hindi siya mahirap aliwin. And as often as adults do, I was hoping at the back of mind that when Kikay grows older, she would apply the same resourcefulness and self-sufficiency in her work. (Oh, but please, God, don’t make her a corrupt government official!)

Having kids around can be a joy. You observe them and see how they react to other kids or to adults, and more often than not, you marvel at how God is so smart to have created such wonderful creatures. It also gives you hope that perhaps, despite the tremendous amounts of crises the world finds itself in these days, the future is still going to turn out fine.

(Originally published on Dec. 3, 2010. My column, Something Like Life, is out every Friday in the Life section of the BusinessMirror. Photos and images from the Internet.)

I missed my Pop tonight

From the photo essay, Days with my Father by Phillip Toledano

This is for everyone who's lost a parent, or is living with aging parents.

The Family Guy

(Ferdie Ong is grateful his parents showed him the value of money.)

WALKING into Ferdie Ong’s home in Forbes Park is like walking into what I imagine is everyone’s idea of a dream house. Aside from being spotlessly clean, the home comes alive with ultra-luxurious furniture that not only makes for great conversation pieces but also is actually comfortable enough to lounge on.

Ferdie is general manager of Living Innovations Corp., a seven-year-old company that has been bringing to Manila what can be described as the Rolls-Royce of furniture. Its roster of furniture brands for kitchen and living spaces reads like a photo shoot straight out of Wallpaper, the premier magazine for interior design: kitchens by Bulthaup and Gaggenau, living room sets by Minotti, bathroom fixtures from Agape, chandeliers from Lolli e Memmoli, outdoor furniture by Dedon, lamps by Martinelli Luce, stainless-steel office furniture from La Palma, just to name a few. All of these brands are considered global leaders in interior design.

Needless to say, these pieces come with quite hefty price tags that only the discerning handful can appreciate. In fact, as we settle in for our interview in an enclosed patio, I casually ask how much the five-piece set of woven furniture we were seated on cost. After quickly calculating each individual piece, Ferdie unblinkingly replies, “P800,000,” while the chair I had parked my butt on was P100,000. Hwat?!?! (Click Something Like Life for the rest. Photos courtesy Bridges@com)

(Minotti Wearing Bed designed by Rodolfo Dordoni)

(Dedon lounge furniture is a favorite among local hotels and resorts.)

Black sheep (and my own wishful thinking)

ALL families have one.

It’s the relative who doesn’t quite fit in the traditional mold of the rest of the family.

He is the relative who possesses the least number of personality traits that usually marks one as a member of that clan.

He is the one who sometimes brings embarrassment to the rest of the kin because of the things he or she says, or his or her aberrant behavior.

* * * *
Often called the family oddball or eccentric, his antics sometimes run from the quirky and harmless—you know, like Lady Gaga, who dresses up in outlandish but creative costumes—to the truly wild and jawdropping, like the relative who feels the urgent need to declare to the entire world that her partner gave her a sexually transmitted disease.

There’s no rhyme or reason for the black sheep. He just happens, much like the Joker in the deck of cards you’re shuffling which you thought you’d already removed.

In a number of families, he or she is just the constant butt of jokes—like your elderly aunt who always shows up for the family reunion with yet another escort young enough to be her grandson.

Then there is the drug addict in the respectable family of lawyers who constantly fails to get rehabilitated.

* * * *
I MUST admit that when I was campaigning for then-senator Noynoy Aquino last year, the most difficult criticism I had to fend off was not that he had no credible political track record to speak of, but that he had Kris Aquino, the TV celebrity, as his sister.

Unwarranted or not, Kris has become the epitome of what family black sheep are all about. One could easily dismiss it as her being born in the month of February and being an Aquarian, given to eccentricities, but even I, who share the same birth month and zodiac sign with her, and can come from the left field at times, am constantly stumped by her erratic behavior.

The potential voters I talked with then warned me that if and when Senator Aquino would become president, Kris would lord (lady?) over it in Malacañang. After all, Aquino has no wife, so who else would function as his First Lady? Certainly, they said, his other sisters—Ballsy, Pinky and Viel—had their own lives and families to get back to, and they felt that Kris, who always seems to crave the spotlight, would revel in the role of de-facto First Lady.

I, of course, defended my then-candidate that, no, Kris would have her showbiz life to go back to, and also her family—Josh, Baby James and Big James. I remember saying that with the amount of financial support Kris would send her brother’s way for his campaign, she would need to earn these back through more showbiz projects and product endorsements. I supremely believed then that when he won, Aquino would thank the bunso for her tremendous backing, then send her merrily away back to showbiz.

I guess those guys I talked with last year are now laughing at me, because what they had predicted has come to pass. Who else could have suggested to now President Noynoy Aquino to appoint Girl Abunda as tourism secretary? Ach. (By the way, just for the record, I also admit that I eventually didn’t vote for Senator Aquino after seeing how he poorly handled the infighting in his camp.)

* * * *
BUT what family, like I said, doesn’t have a black sheep—a relative who can be a continued cause of embarrassment? Of course, for political families, it can be quite devastating.

A story by ABC News in 2007—published on the occasion of the arrest of Al Gore III, son of the former US Vice President and then-yet-to-become Nobel Laureate, for possessing marijuana and prescription drugs—cited a number of famous political black sheep.

Former US President John Henry Adams had a son, Charles, who was an alcoholic. Others include the great Democrat Franklin Roosevelt’s son who became a Republican; the drinking and free-wheeling Alice, daughter of Theodore Roosevelt; William Henry Harrison’s sons (one an embezzler, another an alcoholic); the late Sen. Teddy Kennedy—himself a black sheep because of the infamous Chappaquiddick incident—and his son Patrick, now a congressman himself, who had a substance-abuse problem in his youth and was dragged into a rape controversy with his cousin William Kennedy Smith, among others.

And even before Kris, there have been also quite a number of presidential siblings who had gained notoriety: Jimmy Carter had Billy, who was on the payroll of the Libyan government; George W. Bush had Neil, who was said to have engaged the services of prostitutes; and Bill Clinton had a half-brother, Roger, a cocaine user and alcoholic (not to mention, a bad Elvis Presley impersonator).

To their credit, the older Aquino sisters knew that Kris could be a liability to their President-brother’s governance, so they apparently exhorted her to give up her showbiz talk shows.

(Of course, Kris being Kris, she stole the show once more just three days before her brother’s inaugural by admitting to the entire world that she has given up on her marriage to basketball player James Yap. UPDATE: Kris and her children flew to the U.S. on July 8, 2010 and is said to be taking a 3-week vacation.)



One only wonders how these six years of semi-seclusion from the public life will affect Kris. For all we know, being under the constant watch of her sisters could do her good. It can’t be easy for Kris, who lives to hog the headlines, to have her every action monitored and controlled by her siblings.

What many wish for Kris—and really, despite her antics, I admire how she always puts her children’s needs ahead of hers—is perhaps, a Teddy Kennedy moment. Once an embarrassment for his entire family, Kennedy - also the bunso among nine siblings and born in February as well - eventually shed off the bad behavior and became one of the most revered politicians of our generation. (Now, I don't mean that Kris should become a politician like Kennedy or her brother and father, although it wouldn't be surprising if she does enter the field herself, but to just well, grow up. And maybe shut up about herself sometimes. It doesn't have to be all about you all the time, Kris!)

So, you see, there is some hope for black sheep after all. I would like to believe that, eventually, Kris will find her real place in the sun, and instead of being someone that her siblings would always have to watch over, become a constant and major source of pride for her family.

(My column Something Like Life, is published every Friday in the Life Section of the BusinessMirror. Black sheep photo from www.mi9.com. Yap family photo from Reuters via www.daylife.com)

Sound bites

POLITICS is one helluva nasty business!

You’re suddenly surrounded by groupies all trying to paint you as God’s gift to humanity, but clearly just enjoying the free food you serve after every campaign rally.

Then you have your family members at one point, trying to dissuade you from pursuing your candidacy for fear of your safety and that of the family’s. But when your victory seems inevitable, they quickly entertain thoughts of which interior designer to call and measure the windows in your new office for the new drapery.

You also have close friends giving you all sort of contrarian advice just to add more to your confusion on what policy measures to adopt once you are declared the winner. Of course, all these so-called buddies will probably be the first to line up and try to get appointments in your government, or at least get a business contract or two even before you’ve warmed your political seat.

* * * * *
Politics is all about relationships: forming new ones, letting go of those that don’t work, and trying to make the most advantage of the ones still remaining —all in the pursuit of power and administering control of governments or businesses.

And amid the cementing of alliances, there will also be treachery. Two major candidates in the last elections have already publicly experienced that bitter truth. The six-month exercise showed exactly who their real friends and supporters were, and who had stabbed them in the back for the backstabber’s own selfish goals.

For one, you had a presidential candidate who junked his own godfather's political party which he was to inherit at some point, in favor of his President's party of thieves. Unfortunately, the presidentita's own consort supported another presidential candidate in a bid to protect their own family’s financial interests and secure their protection from possible lawsuits.

Then you had a vice presidential candidate who gave his all-out support to his party’s standard-bearer, only for the latter to leave him by the wayside to his own devices. And despite the standard-bearer's own half-hearted announcements of support to his VP candidate, he declined to whip his own family members and groupies in line who supported a corrupt candidate instead.

As noted film director Jean Renoir once said: “Is it possible to succeed without any act of betrayal?”

* * * * *
IN my own case, I’m glad the electoral exercise is over.

As usual, we had to contend with the megalines, hot heads complaining about their missing names, and suffering teachers that seem to be part and parcel of every election. Thank God, the polls were generally flawless, and the results quick enough to determine clear winners, although as of this writing, the House Committee on Suffrage and Electoral Reforms is still hearing allegations of electoral fraud.

But it’s understandable how many of us were simply putting our lives on the hold, declining to make major business decisions or even taking trips despite it being the summer vacation season, as we were all uneasy about the elections.

I, too, had to bump off a few appointments, and my standard response to lunch/dinner invites from friends would be “after the elections na lang ha?” just to drive home the point how much the run-up to the political exercise was dominating my life.

For another, I wasn’t able to sleep my usual eight-hour beauty rest because I was tethered to my Mac updating a blog aimed at informing the public with news, surveys and other data about their favorite candidates. Stress eating and lack of exercise were also taking its toll on my health, e.g., a three-month cough that wouldn’t quit until I finally managed to catch up on my sleep starting last weekend.

Now I’m back to my asleep-at-2am-and-awake-at-10am routine, still enough time to catch Ted Failon and Pinky Webb giggling and throwing furtive glances at each other on dzMM Teleradyo. (I must agree with Manong Johnny, who by the way, I mistakenly voted for—long story, don’t ask—when he told the radio couple, “Bagay na bagay kayo!” Manong Johnny is very happy!)

* * * * *
MY own relationships with idiot relatives and some so-called friends were also getting caught up in the heat of the debates, especially since we had supported different candidates.

How I wish I belonged to an entrepreneurial family where members gather and agree to support different candidates to protect their business interests. For instance, in one political/business family with interests in the banking industry during the Marcos regime but are also considered power brokers today, two brothers supported the fake impoverished presidential candidate, while their youngest brother placed his bet on the candidate whose only claim to fame is having famous parents.

So no matter which presidential candidate wins the election, this family’s businesses are safe. They’ve kept their eye on the bigger prize, and the entire family won. With such an understanding, no one gets hurt if one brother airs his views favoring his own candidate over his other brother’s bet, and vice versa.

Unfortunately, as I discovered in my case, some family members turned out to be users and were only loyal to whoever gave them the most funds for their campaign, instead of being grateful to the one who nurtured their careers in the first place. Yes, I hear you...that’s politics. But I simply detest such hypocrisy and their defense of the crooked politician they had attached themselves to. I now wonder if it’ll ever be safe for me to go home to my province after this.

Some of the campaign issues also divided a few buddies and me and have resulted in some irreconcilable differences. I know, I know, people always say that the safest discussion is nonpolitical talk.

On Facebook alone, a couple of long-time friends have been unmasked as traitors to the cause, and have thus been either deleted/blocked or walled out by my extremely high-privacy settings. (It’s silly, I know, but on Facebook, it’s much easier to detect who is being true to his word, or just giving you a whole lot of BS for the sake of friendship.) Some I caught telling me one thing privately, and seeking alliances and, right on their wall, saying exactly another.

I’ve been spied at bitched at, and lied to, but then, yes, I only have myself to blame for being so vocal about my own opinions.

Perhaps, when we’ve all become too busy again to care whether the President-elect takes his oath before a barangay captain or a ship captain, some of these broken fences will be mended again. Then again, maybe not.

(Unabridged version of my column May 28, 2010. Something Like Life is published every Friday in the Life section of the BusinessMirror.)

A gathering of families

SOMETIME in the 1860s, a gentleman named Eleuterio Acuña, he of regal European bearing with the almond eyes, met then married the fair Ramona Villaruz, a native of the town of Capiz (now known as Roxas City), in the province which bears the same name.

By most accounts, Acuña was not a native of Capiz but was from Luzon who had frequently visited the town in the course of his business. There are also differing versions of what trade he had actually practiced – one being that he was a purchaser of molasses for Manila-based distilleries, the Panay region being a center for sugar plantations, or a hatmaker from Binondo, leading his descendants to believe that he may have been a Chinese mestizo.

Another version also puts him as a civil servant, having been sent by the Spanish government to supervise infrastructure projects in the town.

Or perhaps, he was all three at different times in his life, which perhaps will come as no surprise to his descendants today, many of whom are in similar pursuits - government, business, politics, as well as education, medicine and the arts.

One thing is for certain, Acuña, rose to prominence and with his wife, became one of the most respected couples in Capiz. That marriage spawned 12 children, each with his or her own unique personalities and characteristics, which are also apparent in their own progeny to this day.

There was Rosario (Roxas-Picazo), the eldest, who was dignified, strong in character and dispassionate; these traits served her well when her first husband was gunned down by two drunken guardia civil, and instead of becoming hysterical, she calmly fetched his lifeless body. She was followed by Tito the first among the siblings to be sent abroad to study medicine, and unsurprisingly, became a classmate of our national hero Jose Rizal. The second daughter of the Acuñas was Socorro (Yotoko), dubbed “La Aristocrata” for her imposing discipline, but with a flair for the arts.

Then came Josefa (Hernandez/Viterbo) who was also well-educated like her sisters, but whose main virtue was said to be her frugality. The third son was called Rafael who finished Dramatic Arts in Spain but perhaps owing to parental pressure, resumed his law studies when he returned to the Philippines. The sixth child was Paz, who married a Cebuano Manuel Valiare, but the couple died childless.

Ricarda (Arnaldo) was apparently the most headstrong among the siblings, having rebelled against her father’s wishes by marrying a rising politician Manuel Arnaldo. She was followed by Pilar (Roxas-Moreno) who is remembered most for being always optimistic and pleasant. Alejandro was the bohemian of the family, living a life of wine and other pleasures, favoring a laidback lifestyle unlike his more serious brothers.

Soledad (Sanz) was always cool as a cucumber, that people believed that the world could end the next day, yet she would still remain calm. Jovita (Barrios), lived in exotic Mindanao for a short time with her husband a lawyer then judge, which enabled her to amass interesting stories to regale her children with. Fortunato, grew up under his sisters' care after their mother Doña Ramona died while giving birth to him; although the last of the Acuña children, he was the first to own a car in Capiz, among many other “firsts”. (Source: The Acuñas of Capiz, Prems 1983 souvenir program)

* * * *
THE first time I attended our clan reunion was in April 1983 – a three-day affair, dubbed “Prems ‘83”, held by the beach in Roxas City. (“Prems” is a derivative of “primo”, the Visayan term for cousin.) It was the summer before I was about to begin my university studies, so it was the best time to goof off with impunity with my cousins and newfound relatives. Our parents were in the prime of their lives, gamely performing onstage, and leading the charge in the fun activities for each day, with our grandparents shimmying not too far behind.

Twenty-six years later, a number of those in the second and third generation have passed on, but their exuberance still lives on. This was most evident in our latest clan reunion held last Saturday, with some 500 relatives filling up the convention hall of St. Paul’s College, Pasig. (I am told there are about 300 more living abroad.) It was a massive affair due to the sheer number of people that had to be contacted; and took over a year to plan.

It was a great time to reconnect with our cousins from the other branches of the clan, especially now that many of us are much older, have families and little ones, or like some, are just visiting for the holidays, being residents of far-away lands.

While it was a much-scaled down event unlike our first Prems gathering, everyone still had a grand time. I especially enjoyed the stage performances from the little tykes who bravely shook their little butts to nobody, nobody but us. And of course, no family affair would be complete without our San Miguel beers and Coca-Colas to keep us sublimely lubricated throughout the evening.

Having not seen many of these aunts, uncles and cousins for the longest time, there is not enough time to actually catch up with all. Then again, there were those who simply did not know what to say when meeting up with a relative one had not seen in ages. How to begin the conversation?

The key to attending affairs of this nature is to just put on your widest smile, and pucker up. Kiss and say hello to everybody, whether or not you actually know him or her. It’s the right time to shake off one’s shyness and just strike a conversation with the person next to you in the buffet line.

I used to shirk away from family reunions because I found them boring and just filled with ancients who kept asking when I was going to get married. Now that I’m older, I find that such gatherings give me a sense of identity. As we share a common heritage, these social interactions provide us with positive affirmations of who we are and how we are distinctly special from other families.

In our first clan reunion, there were still no cellphones, computers, much less the Internet, so the relatives we met then were difficult to keep in touch with. With Facebook and smartphones these days, it’ll be much easier to keep abreast of what’s happening in each other’s lives.

So cheers dear cousins! Don’t be a stranger.

(This piece was originally published in the BusinessMirror, in Jan. 2010. My column Something Like Life, is published every Friday, in the Life section of the BusinessMirror.)

Reunion of the Acuña clan of Capiz. (Other photos contributed by Mary Rose Peña.)

FOUND! Arroyo sons' properties in California

HERE'S a great story to start off your week, even though it's still a holiday today.

PRESIDENTIAL son and Pampanga Rep. Juan Miguel “Mikey” Arroyo has failed to declare in his Statement of Assets, Liabilities and Networth (SALN) for the last two years a $1.32 million or P63.7 million beachfront property in the San Francisco Bay Area in California, which he bought and then transferred to his wife Angela in 2006. (Click Vera Files for the rest.)

Btw, folks, let me assure that while the house doesn't look like much from the outside, Foster City is widely known as one of the most affluent areas in California. It is where the rich folk of San Mateo County reside. Last I heard about this property was in July 2008, and that time, the house was undergoing renovation, and a small living area for the property owner's julalays was being constructed.

(UPDATE 6:18 pm) According to Rep. Arroyo, excuse my dust! he can afford to buy this house in San Mateo. Oo nga naman, di ba all his films made money?



Watch out, we have another national artist in the making here.

On grieving

I remember at my own father’s wake a couple of years ago, when someone very close to me saw Pop lying in his coffin. She suddenly freaked out and shrilly complained that his makeup was awful. She then proceeded to have his makeup redone by the mortician. I didn’t notice any difference in how he looked, though. Okay, you had to be there, but I thought that was so laughable it would’ve probably qualified as an episode on Six Feet Under. (Click Something Like Life for the rest.)

Tita Cory as a 'lola'

I'M SORRY, I'm crying again. I just read this an article featuring Tita Cory's grandkids sharing their wonderful memories of their Lola (grandmother). I hope Philippine Star doesn't remove this from its web site. To read stories like this about Tita Cory is such a privilege.

"I don’t know what life will bring the next few days, weeks, or years. But what I do know is that I will forever miss my lola.

I will miss everything about her. The happiness of her eight grandchildren meant everything to her and she never put herself ahead of anyone." (Click Grandchildren pay tribute to Cory.)

I just want to hug these kids. But I think they'll be okay. I know their Lola Cory will be guiding them every step of the way.

* * * *
FOR those who were also enamored with Conrado de Quiros' eulogy for Tita Cory last Aug. 4 at the Manila Cathedral, read it here. Wrote Conrad:

"I’ve seen activists who began by serving the people, or exhorting the world to, end up serving only themselves. And I’ve seen students who thought only of saving their families end up saving the world, or trying to. I’ve seen the best and the brightest turn only into the worst and greediest. And I’ve seen someone who was walang alam, or who was made out to be so, teach the world a thing or two about honor and courage and grace."

Sorry kids, it's not working for me

(Photo from the Inquirer)
The caption is as follows: MY GRANDMA, MY PRESIDENT, MY HERO Michaela Gloria, Marie Angelique and Eva Victoria (from left) mob their grandma, President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, after she delivers her State of the Nation Address on Monday. It is obvious that the children of Ms Arroyo’s sons, Representatives Mikey and Dato Arroyo, idolize her, which should make up for all the “bad words” she’s been getting for her SONA. JOE ARAZAS/CONTRIBUTOR

Gamitin ba naman props pa ang mga apo? icck.

* * * *
BTW, I just sneaked a peak at a few of the presidentita's Facebook profiles put up by her office (www.op.gov.ph), and the most number of friends she could gather was 2,457 friends as of today. Even one of the many fan pages put up by her unabashed supporters such as this, only show 1,346 fans. Gee, even admin senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago has more friends at 3,241. Ah yes, even the presidentita's love Sen. Mar "bad words" Roxas, has close to 5,000 friends on one profile alone.

It's sad really when you're the leader of the land and people avoid you like the plague even on Facebook. Tsk, tsk.

My kind of wedding

(via New York Mag's Daily Intel)

Congratulations and best wishes to Jill and Kevin Heinz! I don't know you guys but with this kind of beginning, there can only be greater things in store for you as a couple.

Coolness.

It must be love, Sabel

Sure, I admit that I was among those who were cynical about their relationship in the beginning. Those of us in the sidelines watching his career in government and were aware of the chismis surrounding Roxas’s and Sanchez’s respective love lives before they encountered each other, didn’t give the coupling a high batting average, so to speak. (Click Something Like Life for the rest.)

(Sen. Mar Roxas serenades fiancée Korina Sanchez with the song “Gaano Ko Ikaw Kamahal” in a traditional Filipino pamanhikan to the Sanchez family in Merville, Parañaque, with entertainers Tado, lef, and Jason Gainza. Roxas formally asked for permission from the Sanchez family to marry Korina on June 14, 2009. PHOTOS COURTESY OF SEN. MAR ROXAS’S OFFICE)

(That's certainly not the Cha-Cha!)
(Sanchez with friends: former beauty queen Dang Cecilio and ABS-CBN head of special projects, Chit Guerrero)
(The couple's respective families pose for a souvenir shot. From left, seated, Roxas' aunts Stella Marquez-Araneta and Baby Araneta Fores, mom Judy Araneta Roxas, aunt Ruby Roxas, Sanchez' aunt Leticia Baluyut, and civic leader, possible ninang Rosa Rosal; Standing, from left: Roxas' uncle Vicente Roxas, Sen. Roxas, Sanchez, Roxas' uncle Jorge Araneta, and Sanchez' uncle Eduardo Baluyut.)

What matters most

"As we get older, we try to return to what remains true and good in our lives. As we find peace in our hearts and love in our age, we realize that some things, like the dishes at our favorite restaurant, the great friendship and family, do not change." (Click here for the rest of my column, Something Like Life.)

THANK you Billy Cortez of Finex, for your kind words about my column. Mabuhay ka!

Why leaving home is a good thing

Something Like Life
Nov. 7, 2008

WHENEVER I’m asked to write magazine pieces advising young people on how to save up or build a nest egg for their eventual retirement, I always like to joke that the best way to pinch pennies is to keep staying with your parents until they throw you out. Being Filipinos, of course, we are all secure with the fact that such a situation will never arise. Our parents just love us too much.

I’ve always admired the resolve of American parents to encourage their children to leave their nests once the latter reach 18 years of age. This is one of the American values I’d like Filipinos to emulate the most, that of teaching their young how to be independent, productive citizens of their country.

Most Americans view people living with their parents past 18 as pathetic and weak. It’s like if you still live with your parents, you are considered a failure. Some news stories do show a trend, however, of young Americans returning to their parents’ homes because they can no longer afford their own. But that’s another story. (Click here for the rest.)

Ang pagbabalik

PEOPLE who know him say Joc-joc Bolante looked tired and defeated. He left the Philippines haughty and arrogant, bragging about his endless Rotary meetings here and abroad, and his closeness to the First Gentleman Mike Arroyo, a fellow Rotarian. Then he returned late last night at the NAIA, his hair now gray and weighing considerably less because of his prison diet. One of his ex-friends monitoring the unfolding events on TV called it karma.

But the old dog still had a few tricks up his sleeve. He was videotaped inside the plane, on his way out, looking very fit, and wearing a slightly incensed expression on his face (probably because of the cameraman). Next we see him at the corridor leading from the tube, seated in a wheelchair, his left hand casually placed on his left breast, as if expecting a chest pain. The media was in a frenzy...those who managed to get inside the landing outside the tube elbowed each other to get a better shot of the former agriculture undersecretary pinpointed as the architect of the P725-million fertilizer fund scam, which was thought to have helped raise funds for the election of the presidentita.

After being wheeled into a waiting ambulance which drove into the Villamor Airbase then out into EDSA, turning into Aurora Blvd., and finally stopping at the St. Luke's Hospital in Quezon City, he is next seen lying on a stretcher, sans oxygen mask and tank, his hand still clutching his chest, being rolled into the one of the elevators. Not once did I believe he was in pain, despite his apparent history of hypertension.

First I wondered, like many of my media colleagues, why Joc-joc was being brought to a Quezon hospital considering that he lived in the South, specifically at No. 20 Ma. Christina St. Ayala Alabang. I asked someone who was familiar w/ his history if she had any ideas, and she told me that the accused fertilizer scammer knew a lot of doctors at St. Luke's as his father had been confined there. I had my doubts and told her that Joc-joc would probably be seen by the family physicians of the presidentita's family. They would try to get to him, send a message to shut up, and at the same time, assure him of their "protection" by providing him with the best health care their money could buy. (I hear that Joc-joc has used up a lot of his funds for his legal defense in the U.S. that he has been trying to sell his other house in Alabang – he has two, thankyouverymuch – as well as his cars which included a bimmer and a late model Mercedes Benz.)

As it turns out, Joc-Joc was visited by FG Mike's cardiologist, as per the latest news from GMA TV. Since they couldn't get him at the airport, they had to try to reach him through the hospital. Hay, super obvious naman ang mga plano nyo presidentita! Well, so much for the Malacañang statement that Bolante's arrival is considered a "non-event."

Those who know Joc-joc feel for his family, most of all. They say his greed did them in and he never once thought about how his actions would affect his family. A few years ago, I met his wife after attending Mass at St. James Church in Ayala Alabang (this was when he had already fled for the U.S. supposedly accompanied by a good friend), and she struck me as a simple, kind and down-to-earth person. She had no airs like her husband has been known for. People close to the Bolante family say she is probably the last person who would know what her husband had been up to. And for her and the kids to be dragged down by this controversy, well, kawawa naman sila.

(Btw, one businessman I recently interviewed told me that the Joc-joc just loved name-dropping. Mayabang talaga. But to his credit, my source added, if Joc-joc knew you were an Ilonggo like him, he would always be friendly and go out of his way to make you feel welcome. Hmmm...misunderstood lang kaya sya? Ngek.)

Anyhoo, check out these photos from Manolo Quezon's blazing coverage of Joc-joc's arrival.

Hello there sweetie!

MY friend and editor Gerard and his partner Ryan are now the proud parents of Mary Elizabeth Soliven Cruz, nicknamed Meryl. I soooo loved touching and talking to this cute bundle of joy who was just christened over the weekend. This three-month-old is so gorgeous and smart, she listens intently when people are talking to her. I think she is an old soul, and will have a lot of things to teach her parents.


Congratulations to Gerard and Ryan for taking this huge step in their relationship. I wish them well and am looking forward to all the antics of little Meryl as she grows up. Tita Stella will have a thing or two to teach her as well...hala.

September na!

TIME to make that Christmas shopping list ghels and gheys...araykow!

Just to remind you all how close it is to D-Day, check out the Christmas countdown widget on the right. (Lord, pls. give us strength.)

(Snoopy image from i-love-cartoons.com)