Date night

(Photo from Type A Mom.)

It takes a lot of work to keep a marriage interesting, especially in this fast-paced world with too many “distractions.” I’ve listened to many husbands and wives tell me how they sometimes feel just brotherly or sisterly toward their spouses. After several years of marriage, with the kids and all the responsibilities to the family, spouses sometimes just lose touch with each other. Everything becomes so familiar and so boring. (Click Something Like Life for the rest.)

A blind date

GRACE was, as usual, suspicious of the plan.

Her sister Cynthia was setting her up for the first time on a blind date. According to Cynthia, the guy was 36, single and owned his own construction business. And they – meaning she at 35, who was at the peak of her own advertising career, and the guy with his rather impeccable background (as Cynthia claimed) – would probably hit it off.

Grace knew better than to ask whether the guy was cute, or at least presentable to her friends, the final arbiters in most of her relationships. Besides, she knew well enough that most handsome men are gay, or in love with themselves more than they could ever be with their women. Okay, that’s what her gay friends told her anyway.

The guy, Martin, was apparently a close friend of the husband of Cynthia and Grace’s cousin. Of course, Grace was supposed to accept this connection as some honorable endorsement of the guy’s supposed respectability, and genuine and sincere personality. He could not be some psycho mass murderer recently escaped from the basement of Makati Med.

Then again, as Grace anxiously waited for Martin’s call to set the date, she did recall watching a recent episode of one of those real-life investigative shows on Fox TV where a family just accepted a stranger, supposedly a victim of an airline crash who had lost his entire family, to move in with them. As she pored over the storyboards before her at work, the scenes from the TV program continued replaying in her head. The stranger helped around the house and the farm, and actually appeared to be a decent, well-meaning person. He had gotten along with the family, especially with the kids—until the family patriarch suddenly realized that his wife had fallen in love with the stranger. The husband began to feel uneasy about going home, threatened he was by the stranger’s presence. Eventually, the stranger was discovered to be on the FBI’s watch list because he had killed his own wife in another state just a few years before.

So maybe this guy Martin killed off his own wife as well and was wanted somewhere in the hinterlands of Polomolok. Okay, Grace’s imagination was running wild again. Something like that could only happen in the US.

When Martin finally called, her heart actually skipped a beat. “He sounds okay,” Grace told herself, while listening to him make small chitchat before sealing the date. They finally agree to meet on Friday at her favorite Spanish restaurant. In her mind, she had already picked out a nice flowy dress to wear for the big day.

Later at the bar, Grace met up with her buddies for drinks and eagerly told them about the forthcoming date. While Trixie was positively ecstatic and asked her what she would wear for the event, the rest of the gang—including her majesty’s gayness, Dean—wondered why Martin would still be single at 36? Such supportive friends, Grace thought, although the idea of Martin being gay did cross her mind.


Nevertheless she tried to shake off the negativity of her friends and Dean’s continuing jest of letting him date Martin instead, and asserted that she was actually looking forward to Friday. It would be fun, she said, to try seeing someone alone, at dinner, with some wine, perhaps some good polite conversation for a change, instead of being together with her forever drunk, ridiculous and raving mad friends. Talk about candidates for the psycho ward!

On D-Day, Grace couldn’t believe how nervous she was. Even as she sat through her three meetings with clients, account executives and her copywriters, she found her mind trailing off. Did she look okay today? Maybe she shouldn’t have eaten that last piece of chicharon at last night’s dinner? She felt so fat and hoped the dress she had chosen to wear for the occasion would fit. Ooof! She hoped she remembered to pack some condoms in her purse...just in case. Slut! She should take it slow this time. Just have a good time and enjoy the guy’s company, no expectations. What was his name again?

Sitting in her office, Grace could no longer contain her agitated state. She couldn’t concentrate on the documents she was supposed to read. She texted Trixie for moral support. Trixie texted back that she would be fine. Besides, if the date didn’t go through smoothly, at least Grace would get to enjoy her favorite paella, so it would still be a win-win right? “K, tnx,” Grace texted back, as she hurriedly changed into her dress. She looked in the mirror, slapped on some makeup, and headed out the door, trying to sing “Walkin’ in Rhythm” by the Blackbyrds in her head to calm her.

She instinctively knew who Martin was as she glanced through the restaurant window while parking her car. There were already other diners there, some of them alone as well, also waiting for their dates perhaps, and another table with some family. A birthday dinner maybe. Martin was dressed in a light-blue long-sleeved shirt and a necktie. His shoulders were slightly hunched over. He looked defeated. Grace wondered why.

As she met Martin at the table and handed her hand over for him to shake, she suddenly knew why he looked crushed. He was a gentleman the entire night, and flashed her his whitest Close-up smile...but the gay vibe couldn’t be mistaken. It was positively reeking through every pore in Martin’s body, even as he talked about his activities at his church. He just didn’t want to fess up to his real feelings. Grace was intrigued by the thought of a grown gay man who still didn’t want to come out of the closet. And he belonged to some fundamentalist Christian sect. How could it get any better than that?!

Admittedly, the date wasn’t half-bad. The conversation was all right, except for the religious turn it took at one point. But the rest of the discussion was actually intelligent, not even half-boring as some of her past dates turned out to be. They had even actually dissected a recent ad campaign her company had launched for a new client. But then Grace had always had a great connection with gay men. And the red wine was even better. She would need the buzz to get her through the rest of the night. But as Martin prattled on about the kind of girl he wanted to marry, she did want to scream at him a few times: “Hoy, magpakatotoo ka, sister!”

In the rest room, she checked on her cell-phone messages and found texts from her buddies with words of encouragement, and concern about how the date was going. Even bitchy Dean texted her to “just be your gorgeous self”...the queen could be sweet when he wanted to. She didn’t have time to text back all of them, lest Martin think she had been flushed down the toilet.

But as she stepped out of the rest room and made her way back to the table where a fluffy yummy canonigo and Martin’s pale smile-a-crooked face were waiting, she felt excited again. Grace couldn’t wait to get home to YM the girls and tell them about the date. Ah, yes, another anecdote to get the group rolling down the aisle with laughter. Mental note to self: Save Martin’s number for Dean.

(My column, Something Like Life, is published every Friday in the Life section of the BusinessMirror. Photo from BM)

From G.'s spot

Something Like Life
Feb. 15, 2008

I MET G. a couple of years ago to do a profile on her and her company for a glossy magazine. She struck me as one of those cool women who were smart and sexy and knew exactly what they wanted in life. Since then, we’ve struck up a casual friendship and have kept in touch largely through Facebook. I always look forward to her new photos with her “boys,” her two teenage sons who obviously adore their mom to death, and their travels together.

But like most of the confident self-assured women I’ve met in the last couple of years, G. is also unattached. In her particular case, she is separated from her husband.

I am single and have never been married, and I’ve always found it a tad difficult to remain engaged in the dating game. Like many single gals in their 40s, I’ve reached a particular stage in my life where I know what I like and dislike in a man, or in a relationship.

But I often wondered how women like G. would do in this arena. Because of her youthful looks and killer bod, I’d presumed that G. would have no problem snaring all the available men she would meet following her separation. And, certainly, this Valentine’s Day, she probably would have a lot of them lined up at her door just begging to be her date on this red-letter day.

G., however, dismisses all my assumptions with a laugh and says she doesn’t even believe in dating. She also feels that she “attracts losers!” Oh, wow, this I couldn’t believe! I wanted to find out more about her take on dating and why, despite her obvious gorgeousness and availability, she still hasn’t found Mr. Right. In the first place, is she actually looking for him?

“I don’t date. With the kind of life that I lead now, I am just too busy maintaining everything at a sane pace. Of course, I still dream of meeting someone, but I just don’t have the time.” She adds that she isn’t the type to actually go out and seek out the men like most young single girls probably would, like go to bars and party every night and such.

But like most women with well-meaning friends who just want them to be happy in a relationship, G. admits that she’s had to give in and allow her friends to set her up on dates. “Friends have always told me to date or sometimes they will bug me because they have someone they want me to meet. But, honestly, I am not into the dating scene. I do give in, once in a while, but I tell you, one look at the guy and I know if it’s going to be a long night or coffee or dinner—you know what I mean? I don’t know, but I think I attract a lot of losers. Sometimes I wonder if I come across as too strong that weaklings naturally find it attractive—parang to harbor ba?”

She adds that her teenage sons are actually open to the idea of her dating or pursuing a relationship. “But I guess, it’s not my time yet...[or] I think I am too old for [it]. Besides, my work already makes me meet a lot of people and, by the end of the day, I am just too pooped to go out and meet some dork. So I’d rather go home and cozy up with a good book. Perhaps, you think I’m too jaded na, but I just don’t like the dating game where the guy would try to impress me. I see a lot of those in my ‘field’ already.”



But I also think G.—like most unattached women who are already past 40—just has slimmer chances of meeting available and date-able guys in the same age group. By their late 20s, most men are already hitched. Even government statistics will bear this out: there are actually more single, separated, or widowed women than men who are in the same categories. Imagine all these gorgeous unattached women fighting over a handful of bachelors or available men? (Or what another bitchy gal pal derisively calls “scraps!”)

“I think I look young for my age because younger men are ‘warming up’ to me—which makes me kind of wary because I am done with mothering.” (Loka! Just think of yourself as Demi Moore to their Ashton Kutchers!)

G. also thinks that she comes “across as too strong, and I don’t think men like that. Well, that’s their problem, not mine.”

But G. isn’t closing her doors to finding love again. She confesses that there’s someone she likes whom she met at work, but because he isn’t based in the country, pursuing the relationship could just be too complicated. “There is this guy and we still maintain contact after all these years; meet up whenever our schedules allow. I am fine with that arrangement for now. I think I am too set in my ways that it will be difficult to again adjust to the demands typical in a relationship.”

Does she have any advice for women who are in the same spot as her? How does one get back into the groove, so to speak, when it comes to men and dating after going through a separation or divorce?

“You know, there’s nothing wrong with dating or going out again. It just didn’t happen to me because we all have different priorities. I was too set on making things work with myself and my family. I guess, being ambitious, competitive and a go-getter make it doubly difficult, because my sights are aimed on something else. But if your friends egg you on to date, by all means, go ahead! What is important is that first and foremost, know yourself. Do you want to date or have a man because you feel incomplete? If that’s the case, you’re already doomed! Don’t! That’s a sure formula for failure and it will be a vicious circle, woman! No one can complete you or make you feel you better but yourself. Work on yourself first—that, I think, is the best step to take when you’ve just gone through a separation or divorce.

“Listen to yourself, your body signals. They usually warn you if you are going into a wrong relationship. Don’t be fooled by the giddy feeling of being in love. Don’t be in love with the idea of falling in love. I know it’s easier said than done but it can be done.

“And lastly, never settle for anything less! We all deserve the best! Darn! Life is already difficult as it is and settling for someone mediocre is selling yourself short! It’s adding to the burden that we all have, one way or another.”

Amen, sistah!

Finding the perfect fit

Something Like Life
BusinessMirror, Sept. 14, 2007

IN my 20 or so years of adult life, I’ve realized that there are some people who do well in relationships, and some people who don’t.

Like me, for instance, I did awfully when I was in relationships. I’m just too much of an individual to ease and subsume my own personal wants and needs to another person’s. I remember getting pissed at something as simple as sharing the TV remote with my significant other of the moment to let him watch his ESPN. (Sure, I was staying over at his place and it was his TV, but didn’t that mean that, as a guest, I was supposed to be given the run of the house because that’s what good hosts are supposed to do? When he was over at my place, he was allowed to do anything! Well, okay, except to put his feet up on the coffee table...and watch ESPN.)

Hmmm...talk about trying to get more guys interested in me. After this, I’d be surprised if anyone would still call!

Then, there are some people who find it much easier to meet their beloved, and there are those who sweat it over a few forgettable years (or decades!) trying to find at least someone interesting to know.

My two nieces, for example, are as different as night and day when it comes to relationships. The elder one, now 26, has yet to find real romance with a representative of the male species—you know, a boyfriend? She likes certain men but they’re just interested in her friendship, while those who really like her don’t interest her. It’s crazy I know, but we’ve all been in that situation.

Her sister, on the other hand, just turned 21, has already had three serious relationships with boys that I know of, this while still in college. (I realize that “three” could even be a small number considering this day and age.) By “serious” I just mean there was a meeting of the minds to be mutually exclusive to each other, but not necessarily heading for the altar. It is just so easy for her to meet boys she is attracted to and who feel the same for her.

Then there are those who spend decades looking for the “right” person, our “soul mate,” or one’s “perfect match,” while others seem to have it so easy. They meet, they go on a few dates, they fall in love, and then decide to marry and have kids. And all that even before reaching 25!

Even the statistics bear this out. According to the 2003 data from the National Statistics Office, about 38 percent of married women were between the ages of 20 and 24, the largest among age groups surveyed. This was followed by married women between 25 and 29 who accounted for 25.7 percent of the married couples surveyed.

Then, there are those who just thrive and improve as a person when coupled with someone, while others miserably fail as an individual.

A friend’s cousin, for instance, always sounded boring (and bored) and was rarely an interesting person to talk to. I’d always bump into her during my friend’s birthday parties and aside from the usual hellos, she pretty much kept to herself. She always seemed to have the weight of the world on her shoulders as she was so superserious, it made the term “humorless” actually funny.

And yet after she found a husband (don’t even ask me how that happened!) and then had a baby, she just suddenly blossomed. Last time I saw her, she looked and sounded happier, with her world now revolving around her little family. She was more animated and constantly chattered about what new thing her baby did that day. (Which makes me suspect that she was probably quiet when she was single maybe because she really didn’t have anything to make kwento. There wasn’t much happening in her life to begin with, you know?)

In contrast, I’ve known quite a few people who are just miserable as a wife or a girlfriend and yet choose to stay in the relationship. They’re constantly held back by their men, given all these strict rules to follow (like, one friend said she had a boyfriend who always forbade her to wear skirts), and yet they still cling on in the feeble hope that their man would change and give them a break. I remember being told, for example, that this nice celebrity socialite became a cokehead basically because her partner was her supplier. (Well, at least she can’t complain that they don’t do things together.)

Like looking for the perfect pair of shoes, finding the right relationship will sometimes take more than just one afternoon at the mall. The pair not only has to look fabulous, but feel comfortable as well.

So it has to be with our search for the right partner and the right relationship. It may take a lot of fittings, er dates, to find out if he’s the right one, perhaps several romances more to find the one who is most suitable to us. It can be tiring, yes, and many of us either quit looking, or just settle for certain qualities in a relationship or in a man instead of trying to find the one with the complete package.

One woman actually told me that while she didn’t really love her husband, she knew he loved her immensely. Coupled with the financial security he offered, it made perfect sense to her to settle down with him. She was 26 then, and during her time she was no longer considered a spring chicken. There was immense pressure for women in her generation to settle down. With her four kids now grown, and a grandchild whom she loves dearly, she says she’s in a “good place.” But she admitted to a few affairs all throughout her marriage. One relationship just so consumed her, she said, but she didn’t want to break up her family.

But sucker that I am for the quintessential romance, true love and all that crap, I think that maybe we shouldn’t compromise our idea of what a great relationship is; otherwise, like so many women, we will end up with killer stilettos which look gorgeous, yes, but will cripple our feet. When we compromise the ideal, we will keep meeting those men who may look like a potential life partner but, for some reason, we just can’t feel totally sold. There’s always something just not right.

Like a great pair of shoes, a relationship has got to be the right perfect fit. No excuses.

(My column, Something Like Life, is published every Friday in the Life section of the BusinessMirror. Photos from BusinessMirror)

Dating with Kids

Something Like Life
July 13, 2007

A FRIEND who lives in the province e-mailed me last week after he had read my previous columns on dating. Gene – which is not his real name, of course, or he would kill me – brought up an interesting issue in his note. He was anxious about his own dating situation.

You see, Gene is very much interested in a colleague at his office, who happens to be separated from her husband. Which is not the problem actually. The sticky point is, she has two kids—aged 6 and 10—and Gene is absolutely mortified on what to do about them. So far, he and, umm, let’s call her Cindy, have just had casual lunches at the cafeteria or at the small eateries near their office. (Ano ba ’yan kapatid, Jollibee na naman?! Haay!)

He thinks she likes him a lot, too. But Gene has yet to ask Cindy out for The Big Date. You know, the one where he will have to actually pick her up from her home and meet her kids, before he can take her out to a fine-dining restaurant or a movie. Right now, all he’s done is bring her home after work, but he has yet to set foot inside the abode and meet the little monsters. What to do? What to do?

Of course, after calling him a wuss, and berating him for having no balls to move forward and ask the possible wife-material out on a real date, I did acknowledge his fears that pursuing a relationship with Cindy may bring a few challenges. It won’t be easy because there are other individuals involved whose feelings he will have to be sensitive to. But if he and she are really determined, perhaps they could make the relationship work. I told him that for all he knows, his fears could be unfounded and the kids could actually like him. Nevertheless, it’s always good idea to put your best foot forward as in any situation.

Okay, it’s the day of the big date. You’re off to pick up your lady and meet her kids for the first time. Bring a gift, why don’t you? Sure, everyone, especially the kids, will know you’re just sucking up to them, but it is a respectable gesture nonetheless. Besides, it will make you feel good about yourself if the kids do like the gift, and will also stack up the pogi points in your favor with your beloved.

Now, you don’t have to give the kids the latest PlayStation or an Xbox console as they’re not yet your stepkids, okay? It can be as simple as chocolates, or comic books, or maybe a music CD or a movie on DVD. You will have to do a bit of research on this, and find out from your discussions with your intended paramour what exactly her kids are interested in so that you can buy them the appropriate gift.

Remember, that there will always be her ex- to deal with. Good for you if your lady and her ex- split up amicably, and both have agreed to go on their separate ways and not interfere in each other’s dating habits. But if there are still lingering feelings of either love or jealousy between the two of them, watch out. You may suddenly wake up one morning with your hands and your feet tied down with weights while you slowly drown at the bottom of someone’s swimming pool.

The ex- will be your toughest audience. He will, of course, assess your suitability to be his children’s step-parent. At his worst, he will probably do a background check on you to see if you have ever been a convicted felon, a drug addict or a child molester. In short, the ex- will probably not like you, no matter how respectful you are of his relationship with his kids and his ex-wife. Just accept the fact that your lady’s ex- will never be your No. 1 fan (unless he’s Bruce Willis and you’re Ashton Kutcher), even if – or especially if – his kids learn to love you. So just keep looking behind your back, bub.

Remember that the kids will always come first. So be prepared to have your grand plans with your beloved be broken at the last minute (“Mikee didn’t tell me he has an art project due tomorrow, and we still haven’t bought the materials!”). So you spent a humongous amount of money to buy scalped tickets for a concert of her favorite singer? Forget it. There will be times when she will cancel on you because of what you will probably feel are poor excuses (“Cesca came down with the flu kasi!”). You won’t be able to do anything about this. Your efforts at planning a long-awaited dinner at the newest restaurant with the long reservation list will never stack up to the sudden problems your lady will have to deal with at home.

After the initial awkwardness of the first few dates with “mommy’s new boyfriend,” hopefully the kids will become more accepting of you (especially after you keep bringing around their favorite Yellow Cab pizzas every week). The next obvious step is to include them in your “dates” with their mom. Catch a movie, dine at some restaurant together (for sure it will be cheaper than your dates with your lady as the kids will probably choose some fast-food burger joint), go ice-skating, take them to the carnival, or even an overnight vacation to a nearby beach. These activities together will not only cement your relationship with your lady, but also show the kids that you’re not treating their mom as just a passing fancy. They will see that you are serious in including them in your life, in a bid to pursue a deeper and more meaningful relationship with the entire family. (Just mind your pocket. It will surely hurt after all these group activities. Consider the expenses as an investment in your future.)

However, try not to fall in love with your lady’s kids too much. For some, the relationship with Ms. Lady With Kids may not always lead to a positive outcome. For one reason or the other, there might be a breakup, and where would that leave you and your relationship with the kids?

Of course, staying cool all throughout the dating process with their mom will be difficult, especially if they are actually lovable children. And you don’t have a stone-cold heart to begin with. But just make sure that if a breakup does come, you will have enough strength to reassure the children that while you may no longer be around in their lives regularly, they will still have a special place in your heart. But, sorry, there can be no more late-night phone calls about monsters under their bed.

(My column, Something Like Life, is published every Friday in the Lifestyle section of the BusinessMirror. Photo from BusinessMirror)

So it's your first date, now what?

Something Like Life
April 27, 2007



THE first date is all about being looking good and smelling fantastic.

No joke!

A first date is typically a look-see. It’s like going shopping and you’re just checking out the goods in the window. Yes, you are the goods, sister, and Mr. Hottie is the shopper. So you want him to buy you, right?

Men respond to the visually appealing and to things that smell pleasurable. I’m not telling you to wear the plunging neckline to show off the boobies (unless all you want from him is dessert). Be flirty but still maintain some degree of respectability. You know men, they want it both ways—someone who’s nice and sweet but who can be slutty at the same time. (We, on the other hand, just want them to be smart and have a sense of humor.)

So, yes, be a tease just enough to set off his imagination, but at the same time bring him down to earth by still being prim and proper (cross your legs at the ankles, ladies!). And a light fragrance like baby cologne or some citrusy perfume is enough to tickle his nostrils. You don’t want to knock him dead, literally, with those pungent floral perfumes.

And much as I hate to admit it, but wearing killer stilettos really ups the ante in your favor. Men just love them! It makes them think of all the sexy things they can do to you. So suffer a little. Besides, what you want to do is hook him first. After he’s all enamored with you, you may start taking out those oh-so-comfy flip-flops!

Now it’s important that when you go on a first date to not have some Cinderella expectation that Mr. Hottie will be your Prince Charming. It is unfortunate that most women think this way. We can’t help it sometimes. It’s in our DNA. After all, we are the ones mainly responsible for propagating the species, so we’re always on the lookout for the man who will help us do, ehem, God’s work—that is, to go forth and multiply. Just look forward to enjoying a first date, instead of pinning your hopes on finding the perfect sperm donor. That way, if he burps loudly through dinner, you won’t feel so crushed.

Before I go on, I should say that whoever asks a person out, should foot the bill for the date. So if you did the asking, you should do the paying. But—and I underscore that three times—be gracious enough to accept if he insists on paying. It’s a Pinoy macho thing. Be thankful that some men still practice this form of chivalry in this day and age.

Now, the object of the date is to get him more interested in you after he’s appreciated the, uhm, goods. So make him feel comfortable by keeping to light subject matters and sticking to safe topics. Politics and religion are definitely no-no’s on a first date. (I made the mistake once about discussing abortion with a born-again Christian during our first date, so obviously it was also the last. Then again, I really didn’t feel any chemistry happening between us to begin with, so I wasn’t actually sorry to give him my two-cents’ worth.)

Ask about his job. If he likes you, it will give him a chance to impress you as well. A man’s job is like his penis. He feels all puffed up about what he does even if he doesn’t do it well. But he will make you believe that he is the greatest thing that has happened to his company or to his boss. (Never mind if you’re probably making more money that he is. But maybe you shouldn’t tell him that on your first date, hmmm?) Seriously, listen to what he has to say so you can make the appropriate reactions. Try to sound stunned and awed by what he is saying. You got it, baby…fake it.

Like I said, the first date is like a shopping expedition. If Mr. Hottie likes what he sees and smells, he will probably stay for another cup. So please don’t bore him the details of your life, why you hate your mother, or where your boss goes to meet his mistress. This is not the time to spill your guts to a perfect stranger. Go to a therapist if you have issues and emotional hang-ups. Men don’t always like chatty-chatty women. They want women to laugh at their jokes (all in the right places, of course), give them big smiles, and listen…a lot. Of course, if he is the quiet type, then you must fill in the dead air. Don’t be so nosy, like Kris Aquino. Be interested but not overbearing. We are not under the Spanish Inquisition!

But of course, some amount of honesty is involved in this date even if you are kind of ooohing and aaahing about his recent promotion. For example, if he likes basketball, don’t pretend you like it, otherwise you might find yourself at the Araneta Coliseum on your next date, watching the FEU Tamaraws play against the Ateneo Blue Eagles. The first date is about finding things that are common between you and Mr. Hottie, so that you can make a connection. The differences are also there to make it more interesting and spicy for both of you. So don’t lie about loving Indian food, for example, when all it does is make you fart.

You have to be honest to yourself, too. If you’re frigging bored out of your wits with all his yabang, I don’t see any point in staying for the second cup of java. In an hour of just talking with Mr. Hottie, you will know whether you want to rush an order of Tiramisu to share with the refill he’s having, or get in your car and go home.

In an hour or so, you will be able to feel whether there’s some chemistry going between you or not. Chemistry. It’s not overrated as it sounds. You know if you click or not. So don’t prolong the agony and think by giving him one more hour, he will redeem himself somehow after telling you that all gay men should be castrated. Trust your instincts. It’s a gift we women shouldn’t ignore. Listen to that inner voice in your head that’s screaming, “Go home!”

Hopefully, you will enjoy that second cup of coffee with him. Or that dessert. And more dates will follow. If the sparks fly, enjoy the moment. Don’t get ahead of yourself by thinking whether or not you should give him a goodnight kiss, or if you will allow yourself to be kissed or not. These romantic situations will present themselves naturally and you should do what comes naturally as well.

With that, I wish you luck. Have a swell first date, girls!

Wanna share your unforgettable first date story? How about funny or horrific blind date tales? E-mail me at stella-arnaldo@hotmail.com All names will be kept confidential.

(My column, Something Like Life, is published every Friday in the BusinessMirror. Photo courtesy BusinessMirror.)