Looking forward with hope

HAPPY New Year, dear readers! 

I hope all your New Year celebrations went well. All your fingers intact, yes? Splendid.  

And if it didn’t go all that well, then, hey, you have an entire year to plan and make your next celebration better! 

Whew, 2012! You went by so fast! Didn’t even have time to catch my breath. 

I feel exhausted just thinking about it. It’s as if so many things happened, yet, strangely enough, it’s as though I didn’t accomplish much. 

Perhaps it’s because I found the past year extremely challenging, with illness high up there on the list for me and the family. 

I guess it’s just human nature to focus on the negative. 

Most of the time when challenges arise, we tend to dwell on the gravity of the situations they create. These issues can overwhelm us and make us focus on every tiny detail of their impact on our lives. Sometimes a bit too much. 

When in reality, when we zoom out and look back on the entirety of that one single year, we probably would find more causes for celebration. 

So I sat down and assessed the year that was with more serious reflection this time, and realized that even through the tough times, there were quite a number of positive developments that unfolded as well. 

For instance, even though I lost one outlet for foreign writing projects last year (which really bummed me out considering how long I had worked for that company), almost immediately after I was granted more job opportunities and the chance to expand my readership. 

Or despite Mama’s hospitalization, I met a number of people who were surprisingly sincere in caring for her, no matter if their government salaries didn’t quite measure up to their competence and professional efforts. 

We sometimes forget that amid the downs, there are a lot of ups as well...moments that may not be outstanding or awesome, but positives nevertheless. 

We can’t lead all perfectly happy normal lives where no setbacks occur. 

It’s important to remember that it is because of these obstacles that our lives are enriched, and that our worth as a person is tested and measured. 

A good analogy is golf. The golf course is designed in such a way to test how a golfer addresses the hazards put in his path on his way to completing a game of 18 holes. And many golfers do like a challenging course, that they try out every new one that opens up, or travel to the farthest places just to play the tough ones. 

We know there are golfers who work hard in perfecting their swings, or those who keep buying a new driver, a new wedge, or putter thinking all these will improve their game. 

Then there are some who cheat in their scores when no one is looking, or a few who are so pathetic at the game, but make up for it with the high-end designer clothes and shoes they wear on the greens. (Well, at least they still look fabulous even while playing an atrocious game!) 

As in life, it is not the enormity of the challenges put before us that really matter, but how we overcome them. And, yes, while we sometimes feel overwhelmed by these tests to our endurance and determination, we all know we are better people because of we handled them. 

Last, the New Year is a chance for us to start over fresh. 

So it’s time to let go of the old habits, release the feelings of regret for wrong decisions made, or relinquish the hold some past grave mistakes may still have over us. 

Every new year is an opportunity for improvement and to appreciate the world and our experiences in a more favorable light. 

Let’s liberate ourselves from the past, and look forward with hope that 2013 will be kinder to us. And if it isn’t, at least let us pray that we will have the gumption and the courage to stand up to whatever trials it will bring. 

* * * * 

ON the first day of the new year, I read this thought-provoking piece by Fr. James Martin, SJ, on the "Five Easy Things You (Really) Can Do for a Happier Year" published by The Huffington Post. 

We usually make such impossible demands on ourselves in the New Year, drawing up a list of resolutions that we will probably quit before the week is over. 

It runs the gamut from: “Lose 20 pounds” to “Exercise every day.” Then there’s, “Drink less coffee and soda.” Or how about: “Reduce Facebook time.” (Haha. Good luck with that last one!) 

Father James says, maybe we should consider these: “Be kind. Relax a little bit. Enjoy nature more. Be a little more grateful. Pray just a tiny bit more.” 

In the first resolution, he notes: “I think that 90 percent of the spiritual life is being a kind person. No need to have any advanced degrees in theology or moral reasoning, and no need to have an encyclopedic knowledge of the world’s religious traditions, to get this: Be gentler and more compassionate toward other people. In other words, say ‘Thank you’ and ‘Please.’ Ask people how they are. Listen more carefully when they speak to you. Don’t say snotty things about them behind their backs. Basically, give them the benefit of the doubt. I know that sometimes you feel like acting like a jerk—you feel justified because of the way you’re being treated—but you don’t have to. Most of the time you have a choice: I can be a jerk or I can be kind. Be kind. You’ll find that you’ll be happier with yourself at the end of the day. And, as an added benefit, everyone around you will be happier.” (Read the rest at "Five Easy Things You (Really) Can Do for a Happier Year".)

(My column, Something Like Life, is published every Friday in the Life section of the BusinessMirror. This piece was published on Jan. 4, 2013. Illustration from 1080 HD Wallpaper.)

How to make New Year resolutions stick

HOW many of us start the new year with resolutions—go on a diet, exercise more often, read a book once a month, etc.—only to drop them midway out of neglect, difficulty, or because we were overrun with other responsibilities?

We can make up a lot of excuses to justify why we weren’t able to stick to our New Year’s resolutions, but all it is really is—admit it—plain laziness and a lack of determination. I am a believer in willpower and that being able to accomplish a task we’ve set out for ourselves is just a function of how serious we are in our goals in the first place.

Of course, I’ve quit on a number of resolutions a few times before, and I have no one to blame but myself. (So now I don’t make any, hehehe.) But I understand why people continue to make them. We just want to improve ourselves—to drop a bad habit, or embark on a good one maybe for health purposes. Our long-term goal, of course, being the best of who we can be.

So for those who still believe in making New Year’s resolutions, here are a few tips from The Source Asia on how to create powerful New Year’s intentions, which I quote from liberally:

"Tip 1: Set believable intentions. Make sure you set intentions, which you can honestly see becoming your reality in 2011. It’s not possible to create something unless you truly believe—not just wish—it can happen. Therefore, don’t focus on those impossible to reach intentions, which might just leave you feeling disappointed in the end. If you do have a ' way out there' desire but you don’t believe it can happen in a year, break it down and see what you do believe you can create in 2011.

Tip 2: Clarity=Power. When you are clear about what you want and you set an intention, everything will move to support you in its manifestation. Being clear doesn’t mean getting into the specifics, though (See #3, Let go of the 'How').

Be clear in your own heart, mind and being that 'You want This' and 'It is Time'. That’s the kind of clarity that moves mountains.

Choose intentions that are more like a choice, even if it seems like quite a stretch, a choice that you are making for yourself, fully expecting the universe to back you up and help bring to you as your reality.

Tip 3: Let go of the How. If you really want intentions that have a better chance of becoming your reality, forget about the how'. Leave the 'how' up to the universe. Even if you can see a lot of the 'how' or yourself, allow space for the mystery, the wonder and synchronicity to bring you what you want in a way you couldn’t even dream of. Choose your intentions to focus on what you really want and hand the “how” over to the Universe.

Tip 4: Write down your 2011 intentions. Take some time to write down your 2011 intentions, and post them somewhere around you, so you can focus on them throughout the year.

Tip 5: Write out your 2011 intentions in the present tense. Write out your intentions as if they are your reality today, if you see it as something happening one day' it will forever be in the future.

You can even go a step further and act as if you’re intention has already manifested itself in your reality. You will be attracting the vibration that you need to be in for the intention to become reality.”

* * * *
As we can see, it takes a clear sense of purpose and a hard focus on the resolution, as if you’ve already done it.

When we understand perfectly why we are resolving to do something—like say, quit smoking—it makes it easier for us to attain the goal. If we quit smoking just because someone else asks us to do it, we won’t be successful in dropping the nasty habit.

But if we truly understand deep in our heart that the habit will make us sick and die, and, even worse, affect the health of our loved ones, the thought of quitting smoking becomes more embraceable. It first has to be clear in our mind the importance of respecting one’s body and the health of others.

We also must overcome the fear of failure. Not trying to stop a bad habit just because it’s difficult or we think we will botch it, means we have already lost even before we started. It helps to have a positive attitude about ourselves and visualize our success.

We shouldn’t even say, for instance, “I am going to quit smoking in the New Year.” Say, “I’ve quit smoking.” Words are very powerful; just saying your resolution in such a manner, where there is explicit determination, is already the first step in making it happen.

They say it takes 21 days to form a good habit (or drop a bad one), so we have to make sure to remind ourselves of what we’re trying to accomplish. It may sound childish but it does help to write down little note cards using permanent markers with the statement, “I’ve quit smoking” and post them in conspicuous places in your home and at the office.

Once we’ve quit smoking, try to not hang around friends who do. (I quit smoking sometime in the mid-’90s. I just did so cold turkey, and have never looked back.) Now when when I go out and chill with my Mama and her best friend at a café, for instance, they sit outside the establishment drinking their coffee al fresco, while I have my coffee and dessert inside. They don’t mind because they know I’m allergic to smoke, and I don’t mind either. Besides, I’m the one sitting with the air conditioning, while they’re out there sweating it out and reeking of cigarette smoke. Eeek. Gross. So why should I complain?

Besides a real friend would always respect one’s boundaries. If a friend continues to light up in front of us when he knows we’ve already quit smoking, then he is no friend at all. A person who doesn’t care about our well-being and continues to tempt us into taking up our horrible habit again should be avoided at all cost.

Ask help from others if needed. If we are having some difficulty in sticking to our resolution, ask our friends and family members to give us positive encouragement. Or maybe, we can also seek professional help, as in the case of those who need to go on a diet or quit something more potent than cigarettes.

Needless to say, no one can force us to make good on our New Year’s resolutions. In trying to improve ourselves in the new year, we are the only ones who can determine whether we are, first of all, ready to make the change, and second, if we have the tenacity to stick to it.

Here’s wishing everyone the best of 2011. May we all have the best of health, peace and prosperity in the new year and beyond!

(Originally published in the BusinessMirror, Jan. 7, 2011. My column, Something Like Life, is published every Friday in the Life Section of the paper. Photo from www.files32.com.)