Something Like Life
May 25, 2007
SO you’re done with the first date with Mr. Hottie. You had a grand time. How do you know whether he really truly likes you or he’s just playing you?
Men are pretty transparent with their feelings. Unlike us women who can play those weird relationship games, men are usually pretty straightforward about what they like and don’t like. You will know if he likes you if:
1. He calls. He will take the time to chat. Or text. Not stupid forwarded jokes but he will ask real questions like, “Hi. How r u?” or “Wat r u doing?”. He just has to touch base with you constantly, yup, even if he’s superbusy.
2. He asks you out on more dates. This means he wants to get to know you better. He will want to know everything about you. These dates will help you as well to assess your real feelings for him. I mean, he may be hot, but is he good enough to have a long-term relationship with? (Ladies, if you like him but not enough to be more than friends, then make sure he knows it. Don’t give him any mixed signals by leading him on.)
3. He respects you. He will want to know if you feel comfortable in a situation, like, say, he wants to have sex for the first time; he will ask if that would be okay. If you don’t feel ready for it, he will understand and respect the limits you’ve set for physical intimacy. When he sets dates, he will do it a day or two prior to the actual event, so you won’t know it’s just a booty call. (Of course, if that’s all that you want, then by all means, go ahead and accept a last-minute invite from him.) He will make you feel very relaxed even in your own skin—and, yes, even if you look fat in that dress.
4. He will want to impress you. Not in a braggart or arrogant sort of way. But he will want to order the best for you, try to take you out to the finest restaurants, watch the latest film, pay huge bucks just to watch a concert with you. Oh, yes, he will try to be funny. In a world where looks are very important, men now know that what will turn things in their favor is wit and a good sense of humor, more than just having a hot body.
5. He listens. He will sit in rapt attention, with eyes focused on you, listening to what you have to say. He will want to know your opinion especially on issues he cares about. You know he is listening when he remembers what you said months after you’ve said it.
6. He visits you at home. If he wants to know more about you, he will want to see where you live. He will inspect your abode, perhaps sneak a peak at your bedroom, basically see how you function in your own space. He will do this, especially if you live on your own. If you still live with your family, he may put it off until he knows for sure where he wants this relationship to go.
7. He introduces you to his friends. If a man likes you enough to think of having an expanded relationship with you, then he won’t hesitate showing you off to his friends. Besides, he will likely turn to them as well for approval so he will introduce you soon enough. A man and his friends are tight. He wants to make sure you and his buddies get along.
8. He asks you on an out-of-town trip. You know he’s getting serious when he is no longer content with just seeing you for three-four hours over dinner, or watching a movie, or just hanging out at a café. He will want to spend an entire day with you or even overnight at some place. My buddies tell me that they got wake-up calls about the women they were dating by seeing how they functioned while on vacation. One friend actually told me he decided not to pursue a girl he had been dating for a while because he couldn’t stand her being “maarte.” She seemed sweet enough most of the time they were together, but she was just too fussy about the resort they stayed in, the rooms, the guest services…just very uncool and bitchy about the whole thing.
9. He introduces you to his family. If you’ve been going out for quite some time already, and he feels sure about you, he will want you to meet his folks or siblings. The mom, especially, is the key factor in any relationship for a man and so, usually, he will need her stamp of approval on you. When he asks you to meet his family, just be on your best behavior. Show them you have manners. Be polite and respectful toward the folks. Oh, if you still don’t feel ready to meet the parents, then say so.
10. He will talk about the future. He will tell you if he thinks you’re the girl for him. He will open up and express his feelings, if he’s very serious about wanting you to be in his life. He will not mince words. One girlfriend told me that after a few dates, this guy told her he was going to marry her. She didn’t believe him because she wasn’t even sure about how she felt toward him yet. True enough, they got hitched and are celebrating over 20 years of togetherness.
If you still can’t read him and pick up the clues, dumb woman, then just ask him. Sure, it will shock him a bit, but if it’s important for you—after, say, three months of dating—to know exactly where you stand in his universe, then just ask him straight out.
If he says he likes you, and wants to keep seeing you, then accept it, and close the topic. Men detest having long drawn-out conversations about relationships, so the shorter you discuss the topic, the better.
If he says he likes you, but just as a friend, then take your business elsewhere if you were looking for something more serious. Don’t hang on thinking that you will be able to change his mind soon enough by whatever acrobatic feats or magical tricks you are planning to conjure. Just appreciate his honesty and enjoy more good times with your new friend.
(My column, Something Like Life, is published every Friday in the Life section of BusinessMirror. Photo from BusinessMirror)