March 15, 2008

What I know about men

Something Like Life
March 14, 2008

THERE are just certain truths about men that all of us women must learn to live with. We should know them by heart, and keep them in mind whenever we’re: a) trying to attract a new man in our life; b) kicking out the old one; or c) considering to become a nun.

These truths I’ve culled from my experiences with most of the nuts I’ve had the tough luck to associate with, as well as from the experiences of my girlfriends in their own relationships. Perhaps in knowing them, we can better deal with our issues with our men.

1. Men like long hair. It’s insane but true. They think long hair makes women more attractive and feminine. Short hair just makes women look butch. Men like to feel the long hair running down a girl’s shoulders and back. They just find it sexy. (All those shampoo commercials aren’t helping us short-haired girls one bit, but thank goodness for extensions!)

2. Men will always have a wandering eye. Don’t be insulted. It’s not because your boyfriend doesn’t love you. It’s just because men are easily visually stimulated. Even if they know they can’t have that gorgeous babe strolling by in a tank top, miniskirt and stilettos, they’d still like to fantasize that they have a chance with her. (And admit it, if George Clooney walked by, wouldn’t you gawk, too?)

3. Men like it when you listen to them. No matter how boring their boardroom battle stories may be, they will love you when you are quiet and attentive, and make the proper supportive comments at the right time. (Besides, they, too, have to listen to you go on and on prattle about your day with your girlfriends, so try to be generous and patient.) Now, a buddy of mine told me, if your man refuses to tell you what’s on his mind, it’s probably because they know you’re not going to listen anyway. Hmmm…

4. Men don’t have ESP. If you believe your man did something wrong, don’t go sulking about the room and just decide not to talk to him. Don’t make him guess what’s eating you up. In the same manner, tell them what you want or need. So if you want your husband to buy you for Christmas that nice bracelet displayed in the jeweler’s window, tell him. Of course, it does take some of the romance out of relationship but, c’mon, would you rather he surprises you with a brand-new set of Teflon-coated pans? (Personally, I’ll take the pans over the jewelry.)

5. Men can be insensitive. Sometimes when you think he’s doing something deliberate to hurt you, this may not really be the case. It may be because he’s really clueless about doing the right thing for you. I remember a friend griping that for her birthday, her husband gave her a diamond ring that once belonged to his late wife. To her husband, perhaps he just wanted to give his new wife a great big piece of rock to show her how much he appreciated her. To my friend, it was just distasteful. (I joked that she should sell the rock and buy what she really wants.)

6. Men don’t like it when their girls talk about their ex-boyfriends. No matter how your present beau acts like the topic is just part of another intellectual discourse with you, it really eats him up. When you talk about your ex(-es), your boyfriend unconsciously feels you are comparing him with whoever came before he turned up in your life. (I made that mistake once and my man kept on bugging my girlfriend how he measured up to my ex. Thank God, I have friends who are would-be candidates for the Best Actress Oscar.)

7. Men are liars...especially when they want their women feel good about themselves. So stop asking them questions like “Do I look fat?” or “Is this dress too tight?” Men will never give you a straight answer. If you need an honest answer about the way you look, go ask your gay best friend.

8. If a man is really interested in you, he will call you or ask you out. He will not pretend that he lost your phone number. Or make some lame excuse, like he’s been very busy. Even if the latter were true, he will find the time to get in touch with you, yes, even if he never was able to get your phone number. He will find a way to call you.

9. Men won’t say “I love you” more than once. That’s just the way it is, girls. He’s said it once, you should have listened. Don’t expect him to say it over and over again just to make you feel secure. Most men think their actions speak louder than words and anything they do for you is proof enough of their love for you.

10. Corollary to the above, men don’t like talking about “us”. He’d rather wing things and rely on his own past experiences or the experiences of others to monitor his relationship with you. If there’s a problem with you, or if he’s feeling uncomfortable in the affair, he will talk to his best friend about it, but try to avoid discussing the issue with you. And, yes, he will make a lot of excuses (e.g., “I’ll be working late”) not to see you, if he’s already feeling unsure about the relationship. If he’s already found a new girl to replace you, he will come right out and tell you it’s over. (Hopefully, you don’t end up like Wikipedia founder Jimmy Whales’s girlfriend, who found out things were over between them when he announced it in a Wiki entry. In retaliation, Jimmy’s ex, Rachel Marsden, has decided to sell his stuff on eBay. You go girl...don't get mad, get even!)

11. Men will do anything for sex. Yes, even tell you they love you and will marry you. I’d like to think it’s just because of their role in the universe, like males in most animal or insect species. It’s their job to help populate the earth with their kind, so they will hook up with any female, whose role in the universe is to bear and nurture the offspring. So, yes, men think with their dicks. And at the slightest opportunity (or in other words, basta makalusot), they will have sex with any female that interests them, even if they are already married or in a supposedly committed relationship.

And lastly,

12. A man will love you more if you’re less intelligent than he is, and if you make less money than him.

Any more truths about men you want to share? E-mail me.

(My column, Something Like Life, is published every Friday in the Life section of the BusinessMirror. Photo from BusinessMirror)

No comments: