When blood is thicker than water

Roland and his sister Christina, a breast cancer survivor. Photo courtesy icanserverfoundation.org

ONE of my favorite TV series has always been Brothers & Sisters. It’s been discontinued after five seasons but at the height of its popularity, it was always such a joy to watch episodes roll out week after week showing how the members of the large Walker family worked out their individual insecurities or celebrated their important life events with their siblings and their irrepressible mother Nora (Sally Field).

Of course, it was not a peaceful co-existence all the time—there were many huge disagreements among them, just like in ordinary families you and I belong to. But these were never too enormous to prevent an eventual reconciliation of hearts. (See “Brothers, sisters, children”, Dec. 29, 2007.)

Over the years, we’ve come across news items about how some siblings—usually scions of rich folk—battle it out in court in a bid to wrestle control over their late parents’ estate. Even some high-profile businessmen disinherit their own siblings over disputes stemming from very minor issues. Like there are two brothers I know, both successful businessmen, who have stopped speaking to each other because they quarreled over one’s sibling purchase of a car!!!

It’s a chilling reminder of how it is easy to forget the familial ties that bind when money becomes the focus of one’s existence. Also, there is too much ego and pride. The old folk always say that no matter how enormous the discord may be in one’s family, one must always strive to make peace. Blood is always thicker than water, and in the end, it is your relatives who will step up when you need help the most.

Yoga instructor Roland de la Cruz is one such fellow who had gone all out in supporting his sister Christina de la Cruz-Sablan when she really needed someone to count on at a most trying time in her life.

“My only sister Christina was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2008. She was only 30 years old at the time. I distinctly remember sitting across from her when she was told of her exam results on the phone. We were in an office setting, so I wasn’t sure if I should stay strong or cry with her. In any case, she gathered all her belongings that day knowing that she had to act quickly especially in the interest of her then-six-year-old daughter Veronica,” says Roland.

Not too long after receiving the news, Christina flew to Los Angeles where she had a lumpectomy. The doctor advised her that she still needed chemotherapy and radiation. With Los Angeles being so far away from home in Guam, the family chose to complete her treatment protocol in Manila. Being closer to the island, where her other siblings and parents are based, Manila made traveling for the family easier.

“I was with Christina during her first round of chemotherapy. I saw the toll it took on her body and the pain she had to endure. I recall calling my mom in Guam that day, crying and telling her that I wasn’t sure I could do it. Watching someone you love so much slowly deteriorate in order to heal was heart-wrenching, and the constant fear of losing her to this dreaded disease was a dark cloud that hovered in the horizon. It was as painful for the loved ones as it was for the one enduring and trying to survive the ordeal,” he recalls.

Today, Christina is in remission and continues to work in the airline industry. Her daughter is now 11 years old.

“Roland and I grew up very close, and you could say he is a protective brother who always made sure I was okay,” Christina writes in an e-mail. “After being diagnosed with cancer, this was proven all the more as he ensured that I got the best medical care along with all the family support needed. Opting to do my treatments in the Philippines, my brother went far and beyond by allowing me to stay in his Makati condo. I distinctly remember the day I left home—I was so depressed and scared. But when I arrived at the condo, Roland had furnished the place with family photos so that it felt like home, and to remind me to stay strong. To this day, whenever I return to Manila for follow-up appointments, Roland always welcomes me at his place, and assists me with whatever I need.”

There is a mantra often recited in the practice of yoga, “Lokah Samastha Sukinoh Bhavantu,” which means, “May all beings be happy and free, may they be free of pain and suffering.” That is what Roland wishes for all breast-cancer survivors like his sister.

“Going through that life trial, Christina was instrumental in me further discovering that raw and vulnerable side which I believe has made me a more effective yoga teacher to my students. I was able to draw the strength to do those poses not just from my muscles but from the inner well of truth inside me, a place where our spirit and mortal body are so intertwined that it is beyond understanding, just acceptance.”

A full-time yoga instructor, Roland put up Bliss Yoga (www.blissyogamanila.com) in Makati with partner Glenn Biscoe in 2009. He was introduced to Hatha Yoga in 2001 at a time when he says “I found myself at a real crossroads in my life.”

He trained under Baron Baptiste of the Baron Baptiste Power Yoga Institute in Tulum, Mexico, before opening his own yoga studio in his home island of Guam. He subsequently trained under Power Yoga founder Bryan Kest and Bhakti Urban Flow founder Rusty Wells.

Because of his experience with his sister, Roland has decided to take a 50-day break from teaching yoga to raise funds for breast cancer charities.

Roland is funding the trip out of his own pocket and hopes people will support his beneficiaries, ICanServe Foundation in the Philippines and the National Breast Cancer Foundation (NBCF) in the US. Supporters can donate directly to the said organizations.

ICanServe Foundation teaches barangay health workers how to do proper clinical breast examinations to aid in the early detection of the disease.

Women 30 years and older are advised to undergo an annual clinical breast exam conducted by a physician or other trained health worker. In the Philippines where diagnostic equipment such as mammography machines are available only in urban centers, clinical breast exams are an important way for underserved communities to check for breast cancer.

Texas-based NBCF, meanwhile, provides mammograms to those who cannot afford it in the US.

On September 17, Roland will begin his journey in the Philippines, going to Japan, the US, Central America, Central and Eastern Europe, the Mediterranean, India, and Asia, before making his way back to Manila. He intends to visit historical landmarks, traveling with no more than the bag on his back, a yoga mat and a camera.

The historical landmarks he will be visiting are Intramuros in Manila; Kiyomizu Temple, Kyoto, Japan; Chichen Itza, Yucatan, Mexico; Lincoln Memorial, Washington, D.C.; Ground Zero in New York; Stonehenge, Wiltshire, England; Eiffel Tower, Paris; Jungfrau, Switzerland; Leaning Tower of Pisa in Italy; The Colosseum/Vatican City, Rome, Italy; Piazza San Marco, Venice, Italy; Ann Frank’s House, Amsterdam, The Netherlands; The Berlin Wall, Berlin, Germany; Auschwitz-Birkenau Museum, Krakow, Poland; Acropolis, Athens, Greece; Dead Sea, Israel; Petra, Jordan; Taj Mahal, Agra, India; Forbidden City/Great Wall of China, Beijing, China; Ngong Ping 360, Hong Kong; Wat Pho, Bangkok, Thailand; Angkor Wat, Siem Reap, Cambodia; and Tanah Lot Temple, Bali, Indonesia.

“Through this journey, which I dedicate to my sister and to all women stricken with this disease, I pray they find the courage and strength to overcome this obstacle in their lives, and ultimately be free of all the pain and suffering. Fifty days seems like a short time to cover so much but this journey is meant to be my seva [selfless service],” says Roland.

(Serious yoga practitioners will often do seva, or “service for others” with no thought of recognition or reward. For instance, you can volunteer your services or donate your funds to benefit a cause, with no expectation of a specific result. Seva removes the ego’s attachment for results. Whatever service is rendered will be to help uplift the community.)

Let’s follow Roland’s journey through www.myglobalmandala.com. Better yet, if we believe in his cause, let’s donate to his chosen charities.

As they say at the close of each yoga practice, namaste. The divine in me recognizes the divine in you. Touch me, touch others, and let peace and love flow.

(My column, Something Like Life, is published every in the Life section of the BusinessMirror. This piece was originally published on Sept. 7, 2012. Photo courtesy icanserve foundation.)

Seeing pink (updated)

Dreaming the Breasts
By Anne Sexton

Mother,
strange goddess face
above my milk home,
that delicate asylum,
I ate you up.
All my need took
you down like a meal.

What you gave
I remember in a dream:
the freckled arms binding me,
the laugh somewhere over my woolly hat,
the blood fingers tying my shoe,
the breasts hanging like two bats
and then darting at me,
bending me down.

The breasts I knew at midnight
beat like the sea in me now.
Mother, I put bees in my mouth
to keep from eating
yet it did no good.

In the end they cut off your breasts
and milk poured from them
into the surgeon’s hand
and he embraced them.
I took them from him
and planted them.

I have put a padlock
on you, Mother, dear dead human,
so that your great bells,
those dear white ponies,
can go galloping, galloping,
wherever you are.

THE female breast is one of God’s most fervent expressions of His artistic vision when He created human beings.

Its shape is its own—not round, not oblong—it doesn’t fit any known geometric shape, so its clearly unique among all of His artwork. (They are bells, according to Anne Sexton.)

(Self-breast exam. This is also what OB-GYNs do on a woman's breasts when the latter is under 30.)

And its uses are so encompassing. Aside from adding allure to the female figure to help attract her mate, it nurses babies. From its nipple drops the first and most important nutrients for these tiny helpless infants, which hopefully affords them a healthy constitution when they are all grown-up.

But as Sexton’s poetry intimates, beautiful and nourishing as breasts can be, they can be touched by something sinister—in this case, breast cancer. (Sexton’s own mother Mary Gray Harvey died from it. When she was diagnosed with the condition, Harvey blamed it on Sexton who had just suffered a nervous breakdown. This was of course the 1950s where there was very little knowledge about the cause and effect of deadly diseases such as this. Finally undergoing a radical mastectomy, Harvey was disgusted by what she viewed was her mutilation. Sexton poignantly expresses her mother’s difficulties—and her uneasy relationship with Harvey—through this poem.)

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and I finally had my very first mammogram.

We have no known case of breast cancer in the family, which is why I never actually went to get such an exam. But upon visiting an OB-GYN last week (and thanks to a generous health-card coverage), she pressed that I should get one. After all, I was, ahem, above 40. And whether there are cases of breast cancer in one’s family, all women are potentially at risk of the disease. Yes, just because we are women.

So in the mammogram room I stood, in my hospital gown partially open at the front. I was told to grip the handle of the machine, as the technician “arranged” my right boob first on one plate.

I will not lie...the examination hurt. The breast is squeezed by a plastic cover above and a metal plate underneath until that dreaded machine beeps, signalling that it can read your breast clearly. Then the radiologist hits a button to take its picture.

(The mammogram machine.)

But faster than one can say, “breast is best!”, it’s over. Well for one breast anyway. Then the radiologist does the other one. Ooof!

I winced the two times the mammogram machine read my breasts. But I guess it’s a good thing that we are women, because we are allowed to do just that. We are allowed to express our pain quietly or loudly, unlike the men who are forever doomed to keep it all in lest they be tagged as a wuss.

I must stress that the pain is tolerable though. Yes, it will make you yelp, but hardly will it make you scream. On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the pain of giving birth, a mammogram will probably just rate a 2 or 3. For those who’ve never had children such as myself, I just think that the benefits of getting a mammogram far outweigh the slight inconvenience of getting one’s boob squeezed tightly.

Another exam my OB-GYN recommended was the breast ultrasound. While a mammogram is usually just the only exam required for breast cancer screening, an ultrasound does supplement the former in that it helps detect smaller breast cancers.

At least the ultrasound was relaxing. A woman just needs to lie on the bed, while the technician uses a hand-held device as small as a computer mouse which is connected to a machine with a screen. She then runs this device—cool to touch because of the gel used—over each breast to check for any tiny abnormalities.

Both these exams will take less than an hour of one’s time. I suggest though that it’s better to get all exams for our female parts done, in one sitting. So get your Pap Smear done as well. The latter helps detects any issues with our vagina and thereabouts. (As soon as a woman is sexually active, she needs to visit an OB-GYN annually. You need not be pregnant to visit one, but it does help if you’d be able to tell the physician or her assistant, the first day of your last menses just for their records. So check your calendar before going to your OB-GYN.)

(To take a reading of your breast, it is gently squeezed between a film plate underneath and a plastic cover above.)

According to the ICanServe Foundation, a local group that has devoted itself to increasing breast cancer awareness, and functions as a support group to those afflicted with the disease, “the Philippines has the highest incidence of breast cancer in Southeast Asia. Breast cancer is also one of the leading causes of death among Filipino women. Most women with breast cancer have no known risk factors except that they are women.” So the group stresses that we women have to be vigilant in protecting ourselves against it.

Early detection is the key in helping us battle or survive the disease.

For women to be able to take care of others, we need to take care of ourselves first.

****
ICanServeFoundation is currently selling gift items at The Power Plant Mall on all weekends of October. Proceeds from the sale support its advocacy projects.

To know more about breast cancer, go to the foundation’s portal at www.icanservefoundation.org/?page_id=299 or visit the National Cancer Institute.

(My column, Something Like Life, is published every Friday, in the Life section of the BusinessMirror. This piece was originally published on Oct. 14, 2011. Illustration and images from the web.)

Boob jobs

I HAVE a couple of issues I wanted to raise today.

First off, the reported Shalani-P-Noy split.

No one really knows the exact details of the parting of ways of the erstwhile couple.

There have been a number of rumors circulating about the purported reason(s) for the breakup: a) P-Noy is extremely busy with his job as is Shalani, being a councilor in Valenzuela; b) P-Noy is seeing someone else; c) Shalani is supposedly dating someone else; or d) all of the above.

As you may recall, as early as the July inaugural of P-Noy at the Quirino Grandstand, the grapevine went hyperactive because of persistent reports that the two had already gone their separate ways. It was only Shalani who actually denied it, but she was there at the inaugural, albeit seated behind the presidential sisters. Then later that evening, she was also at the People’s Party at the Quezon Memorial Circle, where P-Noy sang “Watch What Happens”—to her utter delight. So people thought they were still an item.

Crooned the newly elected President then:

Cold
No I won’t believe your heart is cold
Maybe just afraid to be broken again.
Let someone with a deep love to give
Give that deep love to you
And what magic you’ll see.

Sigh. What a difference three months make.

But as I wrote then (Shalani's long wait), the burden of that relationship really fell on Shalani’s pretty shoulders, now that her beau had been elected President. While she herself will no doubt be busy attending to her konsehala duties, she still would not be as occupied as the President. So like any typical girlfriend, she would, no doubt, wish they could spend what little free time they had together.

No doubt, she would’ve been racked with guilt had she imposed on P-Noy’s time. After all, there are more pressing problems to attend to than a lonely girlfriend’s issues. Then again, Shalani may also have deeply considered whether P-Noy was such a good catch that she should wait for six years until he made up his mind about marriage and her part in it. Take note that P-Noy had already said he didn’t see himself getting married while seated in Malacañang.

So as the rumors go, P-Noy was supposedly the one who called it quits, as he recognized that Shalani was no longer happy in the relationship. And quick as a pistol, he was espied to be already seemingly dating someone else. It would now seem that he was not really much into Shalani as we all thought, as much as she was into him. Her reaction when asked by media about the issue: “Next time na lang po. Thank you.” Honey, if it’s over, just say it’s over, and move on.

Perhaps, she’s still holding out a candle for the President? Only natural, especially if the woman’s in love. P-Noy, on the other hand, was already able to joke about his date with the still-unidentified mystery woman at Nuvo.

Meanwhile, it’s been pretty interesting, even downright hilarious, to read the reactions from the men on social-networking sites:

From Namby: “To me the best mistake he ever made was break up with Shalani. She deserves a better-looking boy friend.”

Pitutuy: “THAT was maybe the best thing that he did...releasing Shalani, yehehey!”

Dwayne: “eto ang pagbabago after 100 days: si pnoy at liz uy na raw; at si shalani at mayor gatchalian naman daw.”

Big Guy (on news reports of Shalani dating Mayor Gatchalian): “C’mon, guys, give the lady a break! Masyadong pakialamero kayo.”

Seriously, I feel that Shalani is better off without P-Noy. Sure, he may be a good catch because of his family name. He’s intelligent naman and sometimes witty. And, yes, he is the second most powerful man in the country (the first being Interior Undersecretary Rico Puno, of course). But you can’t force yourself on someone who really doesn’t love you.

I just think that if a man is really in love with a woman, he will find the time to be with her. And if he knows that she’s the one he’d like to spend the rest of his life with, he will marry her, or do something to prove that he’s committed to her. An engagement ring would be nice. It will be an unmistakable assurance of his devotion. There will be no vagueness, no uncertainty, no waffling.

It was good while it was lasted, but it’s now time to move forward, Shalani. Go on, you have a whole world of eager adorable men waiting at your feet. God willing, you will get the man you deserve.

****

“I LIKE it on the countertop.”

“I like it on my small bed near the door.”

“I like it carried from the car, flung onto the couch, then unzipped and spread wide open....”

If you’ve been reading these mysterious messages on your female friends’ Facebook status, don’t fret, it’s just another Breast Cancer Awareness Month campaign. This year it’s all about where you like putting your handbag. Spoilsport that I am, I did not post any status to that effect. During last year’s campaign, I didn’t post my bra color as asked, so no reason for me to tell you where I put my bag.

Apologies to all the girls who got oh-so-excited with this year’s campaign, but I just think it’s all silly and really doesn’t amount to much. How many of you actually went to your OB-Gyn’s and gotten a breast exam or a mammogram while participating in these campaigns? Raise your hand, anyone? No? Thought so.

Oh, I know it’s supposed to be fun and all, but the whole idea behind these campaigns is to get women thinking about how we can reduce our risks for the disease. Did you know, for instance, that 70 percent of breast cancers occur in women who have no known risk factors?

These are the other facts from the Philippine Breast Cancer Network:

* About 80 percent of women diagnosed with breast cancer will be the first to be victims in their families.
* Breast cancer is the leading killer of women ages 35 to 54 worldwide.
* One out of four who are diagnosed with breast-cancer die within the first five years.
* The incidence of breast cancer has been rising for the past 30 years.

And this to me is the most shocking fact of all: “The Philippines has the highest incidence rate of breast cancer in Asia.” (For the rest of the breast-cancer facts, visit www.pbcn.org.)

While early detection may not prevent a woman from getting full-blown breast cancer, and mammography supposedly doesn’t detect as much as 20 percent of breast cancers, it is still advisable to put yourselves through these exams.

The former can be conducted by your OB-Gyn, and she can even teach you how to do it yourself. Using her hand, the doctor will try to detect any changes in your breasts, e.g., if there is some unusual hardening, or lumps. The American Cancer Society (ACS) recommends that women beginning the age of 30 should have a clinical breast exam made by a health-care professional.

Mammography is a bit uncomfortable as your boob is squeezed between two panels before it’s given an x-ray dose to see what’s inside. ACS advises mammography for women beginning the age of 40. It may be painful, yes, but what if it can help save your life?

***For more information about breast cancer, also visit icanserve Foundation. While it’s unfortunate that the advocacy group no longer holds those successful Pink Kitchen eat-’til-you-drop fundraising activities, you may still support its programs by purchasing the goods being sold at its booth at The Power Plant Mall on all weekends of October.

(My column, Something Like Life, is published every Friday in the Life section of the BusinessMirror. Still photo from the film, Un couple parfait.)

Mailbag: Pink Kitchen II

THIS event is for a good cause. May I call on all my chef friends, cooks (amateurs and professionals), restaurateurs, and fellow foodies to please support this.

PINK KITCHEN II – GOOD FOOD FOR A GOOD CAUSE

Over the weekend of October 18 and 19th, 2008, one of Manila’s most anticipated food festivals–Pink Kitchen II—will again open its doors.

As Beth Romualdez, chairman of Pink Kitchen and an eminent chef in her own right, says, “The yummiest event of the year is back! Pink Kitchen II is a celebration that brings together cuisine from many parts of the world for people from all walks of life.”

Now in its second year running, Pink Kitchen will bring together over 50 chefs who are celebrated for their culinary expertise but most of whom do not have commercial establishments open to the general public. Pink Kitchen II will provide a once-in-a-year opportunity to indulge in these chefs’ elusive delicacies in a relaxed and festive atmosphere, brought together under one roof in the Rockwell Tent.

Pink Kitchen showcases cuisine from all parts of the globe including both traditional and innovative interpretations of favorite Filipino dishes. This year’s international selection takes us around the world and includes French, Italian, Spanish, Middle Eastern, Indian, Burmese, Japanese, Thai, Indonesian and Singaporean specialties. Diners, grazers, foodies and strollers will be spoilt for choice. There will also be a broad selection of cakes, pastries, baked goods and amazing confectionery to satisfy even the most demanding of sweet teeth. Wine enthusiasts will be able to browse through the selections of several of the country’s leading wine merchants. Via Reyes, Pink Kitchen’s head of project management, says, “Pink Kitchen is an event not to miss. Manila’s finest chefs are in the house and they will rock your taste buds!”

Last year, at its premiere outing, Pink Kitchen attracted over 6000 visitors. This year, the organizers are hoping that even more guests will attend. In addition to the central event of food and wine, Pink Kitchen II has organized talks and activities for the entertainment and education of its visitors. These include a Kids Cooking Demo by Mel Francisco; demos on Cake Decorating by Penk Ching and Healthy Cooking by Rob Pengson; a talk on Looking Good, Feeling Better by Adora and on Coffee by Robert Francisco; as well as a Wine Appreciation class conducted by Ines Cabarrus of Enderun Colleges, one of the country’s top hospitality management schools.

“Last year’s Pink Kitchen had something for each and everyone’s taste,” Elizabeth Virata, marketing and sponsorship head for Pink Kitchen says. “ It was exhilarating to see people of all ages, sizes, occupations and even political affiliations enjoying themselves. After all, who doesn’t like good food? And to have all these chefs’ food specialties under one roof to pick and choose from! So many guests came back two or three times and walked out with take-out bags of food. This year’s Pink Kitchen will be even better!”

All ticket sales for Pink Kitchen II will benefit ICanServe’s flagship project, “Ating Dibdibin,” the Philippines’ first community-based breast cancer screening program under the guidance of the American Cancer Society. ICanServe is a non-stock, non-profit foundation and advocacy group founded in 1999 to empower women with breast cancer information, treatment and hope. It also provides access to special services that will help breast cancer survivors recover and heal more effectively.

Kara Magsanoc-Alikpala, founding president of ICanServe, says, “Everyone comes out a winner in Pink Kitchen. We celebrate the Filipino culinary geniuses. The rest of us, not as gifted in the culinary department, delight, devour and drink to life! As we all do what we do best, we support a very worthy cause.” ICanServe treasurer Bettina Osmena adds, “We are here to celebrate life and all its blessings. This is a perfect venue for us to share our good fortune and to pay it forward. Eat, drink and enjoy!”

Tickets for Pink Kitchen II are P200 for adults and P100 for children. They will be available at the entrance of Rockwell Tent on October 18 and 19, and can also be purchased from volunteers by calling the ICanServe hotline, 687 3942.

Pink Kitchen II’s team includes Bettina Osmena, chairman of ICanServe’s fund-raising committee; Beth Romualdez, project chairman, Elizabeth Virata, marketing and sponsorship head; Via Reyes, head of project management; Ina Vergel de Dios, logistics; Ria Romero, entertainment and marketing; Alice Orleans, ICanServe executive director; and Margie Jorillo, volunteer manager. Event styling is by Joseph Claraval.

For inquiries and comments please contact:

Via R. Reyes 0929 848 2918
Email: pinkkitchen08@yahoo.com
Or visit www.icanserve.net

* * * *
A note from my friend Carla Paras-Sison, herself a cancer survivor, on how to get your tickets:

Dear friends,

ICanServe Foundation brings back the culinary event of the year, Pink Kitchen 2. The entrance donation of P200 (or P100 for children below 12 years old) per person directly goes to ICanServe projects that raise breast care awareness and subsidize the medical treatment of breast cancer patients. Food sales (from 49 chefs/cuisines) go directly to the chefs. We are not charging them concessionaire fee or space rental for their booths. Some of them donated a portion of their sales to ICanServe last year but that is really not required.

Please see complete list of chefs/cuisines at: Pink Kitchen 2

For ticket orders, we have pick-up points in Pasig (care of Carla Sison, 0920 903 5053), Quezon City (care of Lian Chua, 0917 828 5426), Makati (care of Margie Jorillo, 0917 830 4562) and Mandaluyong (care of Lanie Eusebio, 0920 922 2827). Delivery may be arranged on a case-to-case basis.

Thanks,

Carla

Carla Paras-Sison
+632 449 2467
+63920 903 5053
http://carla1.multiply.com

See you there.